Review: Devil

M. Night Shyamalan is back!

After the mega success of The Sixth Sense, his movies seemed to slowly roll down the hill.

I mean, Unbreakable was a movie I had to watch a few times in order to appreciate it .. Signs go really.. really hokey at the end with the whole alien finger under the door stuff .. I thought The Village showed some an upswing but then by the time The Lady In The Water and The Happening came out I no longer got excited anymore by his films.

I only watched Devil because 1) I was bored and 2) My cousin Charlie raved about it on a Facebook post.

Yea.. I'm just soooo discriminating, huh? LOL!

Anyway.. I'm glad I was bored and that Charlie raved about it because this movie.. THIS movie is CLASSIC Shyamalan!

The premise seems simple. Five people get stuck in an elevator. But it never is simple.. and OMG!! I so want to get into the plot and everything but I SOOOO don't want to ruin it for anybody.

Ok.. so there's the Detective, who's 90 days sober after coming to terms with the hit and run death of his wife and son. He gets a call about a suicide and while he's checking that out, receives another call about the people stuck in the elevator, one of whom seems to have been assaulted.

And it all goes from there..

And like classic Shyamalan, you have no clue what your going to get banged with in the last 10 minutes.

The movie is only 80 minutes or so.. not very long.. but it will keep you on the edge of your seat.

My only regret is that I ran out of Gummi Bears five minutes into the movie.

Watch this. I guarantee you'll be talking about it every chance you get to every one you see!

Review: Tomorrow When The War Began

Are you old enough to remember 1984's Red Dawn? The movie that had teenage girls drooling over Patrick Swayze and C Thomas Howell as mid western teens who band together with the friends to fight off the Russians who invade their town?

Fast forward 20 some odd years and you have Tomorrow When The War Began.

Tim's been after me to watch this movie but you know, I'm well past the age of drooling over young studs (*cough*) banding together when their town gets rolled over by a foreign army.

OR so I thought.

With nothing else better on the horizon, I conceded.

And I'm glad I did.

After spending the weekend in the bush, seven friends return home to find the families gone and their town and farms deserted. They quickly find out that a foreign army (not named but Asian by the actor portrayal) have invaded their place in Australia.

So what do they do? Do they hide? Do they become martyrs? What CAN they do?

Well, of course they do something. It wouldn't be a movie otherwise.. but what was intriguing was how morality played with their minds and hearts.

I'm not going to get into specific plot scenes for a reason. Researching the movie, I found out that the story came from the first of a seven book series written by John Marsden. I had thought that the movie ended rather abruptly but realized that the end left the window open for sequels.

Although I thought that some scenes were unbelievable, the story centers more on how these kids had to cope with losing their families, stepping out into a war and relying on their instincts to carry them through.

It was a good movie.. so good that I'm going to order the series to find out what happened. Definitely 2 thumbs up.

Review: Cyrus

If you were thinking (like I was) that this movie was going to be in the category of The 40 Year Old Virgin or Hot Tub Time Machine then you're going to be WAY off base.

The premise is ripe for that type of comedy:

Lonely, depressed man (John C. Reilly) fall for lonely, depressed woman (Marisa Tomei) who has an adult son (Jonah Hill) who's maybe just a little bit too close to his mother.

Can you just come up with about 50 or so potential scenes that would have you busting a gut?

Yea.

Me too.

Only this isn't a comedy like that. It's not even a dark comedy. It's really just bizarre. Too bizarre even for me.  And I like bizarre. But this is like, weirdo bizarre.

Reilly's John meets Tomei's Molly at a party where his ex wife and her future husband insist on getting him wrecked so that he can loosen up and meet women. He bombs.. of course.. but winds up striking up a convo with Molly as he pees in a bush. He appreciates her banter.. She appreciates his willingness to sing Human League karaoke. They hook up after the party and he drops head over heels over lose all sense of thinking ability.

John learns about Cyrus when he stalks her house while she's at work and Cyrus invites him in. There's something off about him.. there's something off about how he interacts with his mother.. there's just something off about the whole damn thing and it's creepy.

It takes John a while, but pretty soon he catches on that Cyrus is hell bent on breaking him and his mother up because he wants her all to himself. Molly is so wrapped up in her son (there's a picture of her breast feeding him when he was like, 7 or something) and can't admit the fact that this kid is 22 that it destroys the relationship.

I guess if I hadn't already had it in my mind that this was going to be one of those gross over the top comedies, I may have been able to get into it for what it is.. but you know, one of the first scenes is of John's ex wife catching him masturbating while he insists he just has jock itch so I don't think I'm wrong in expecting a different kind of movie. Plus, it was draggy.. very, very draggy.. omg.. SO draggy!

So no, I can't recommend this one. In fact, I can't even think of an instance where you'd want to watch it so just forget it even exists.

Review: The Tourist

If you need any further evidence that the universe is off kilter and maybe.. just maybe the Mayan's were right about the world ending in 2012.. then let me offer this:

There would have been NO WAY to convince me that I would not love a movie with both Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp.

But then comes The Tourist.

I think, perhaps, this was suppose to be a different movie. Maybe one with just the right mix of sarcasm, wit and intelligence.

Hell.. maybe even one with a good script.

Hell.. MAYBE even one with good acting??????

Oh how it pains me to say these things!!

You know the story, right? European Femme Fatal seduces dopey American only to have Dopey American fall in love with her and screw up the plan that caused her to involve him in the first place.

It's been done before.. only better.

Angie's looking haggard (guess six kids will do that to you) and while she's always been easier on MY eyes, she had my ears bleeding with her fake British accent. It's almost as bad as Demi Moore's in The Scarlet Letter. Trust on that one.

Johnny Depp, as the Dopey American, practically sleep walks through the movie. It was all I could do to keep from shouting, "... come the hell ON, will ya?" .. Yes. That bad.

I will say that the movie redeemed itself in the 10 minutes or so but really, it was far too little.. far too late.

Pass on this one.. I wouldn't even part with a buck at the Red Box for it.

Good Eats: Saltine Toffee Cookies

You are going to HATE me.

No.

Really.

You are.

No question.

The other day I was over at my mom's. She had been to an Cookie Exchange with my aunt and came away with a sandwich baggy full of these creamy, caramel-ly, squares of mmm mmm goodness!

Now, I'm not a chocolate eater. I'm a caramel eater, no doubt.. but chocolate ain't really my gig but these were too awesome to not have in my possession. When I got home at around 10-ish, I told Tim that he absolutely, positively HAD TO EAT ONE RIGHT NOW.

Big mistake.

He killed the baggy in about 7 minutes. The whole baggy. Leaving none for me. I soooo didn't have any sympathy when he spend the rest of the night with his head in the toilet.

Anyway .. here's the recipe. It's really easy to make.

Ingredients
4 oz saltine crackers
1 cup butter
1 cup dark brown sugar
2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips
3/4 chopped nuts

Directions
Preheat oven to 400
Line cookie sheet with saltine crackers in a single layer
In a sauce pan, combine the sugar and the butter. Bring to a boil and boil for 3 minutes.
Immediately pour over saltines and spread it over crackers completely
Bake at 400 degrees for 5 to 6 minutes
Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips over the top
Let sit for 5 minutes
Spread melted chocolate and top with chopped nuts
Cool completely and break into pieces

THAT'S IT!!! Can you STAND it?? Who's going to make these more then just at Christmas time?? And the best is, you can get as creative as you want to get with the toppings... how about mint chocolate?? Hmmm? Or crushed peppermint sticks?? Hmmmmmm???  Yeaaaa... I thought so!!

If you're a little uncomfortable with making your own caramel, you can always just melt the already made ones.. just a thought.

So yea.. give these a bake and let me know how you like them!

Review: Black Swan

Three words:

WATCH

THIS

MOVIE

Omg.. Omg.. Omg.. O. M. F. G.!!

I watch A LOT of movies.. and this has got to be the best one I've seen in a long.. long.. LONG.. time.

Adjectives don't justify.

Really. It's that phenomenal.

I'll write a full review soon .. right now, I'm so over whelmed I'm going to download the score from Swan Lake on my iPod and dance around in tights.

Review: Letters To God

There's been a lot written about having the faith of a child. People who've studied the Bible WAY more then I have can spend hours debating and analyzing the words of Jesus.

But to me, that's the whole point.

Children don't over analyze. Don't search for hidden meanings. Things are what they are..

I've been wanting to see this movie for a long time and finally had the opportunity to last night.

Tanner Maguire plays Tyler, a kid with brain cancer. A kid with brain cancer that lost his dad to a tragic accident.

He writes letters to God daily and pops them in the mailbox to be delivered. But where do they go?

The temporary mailman, Brady (played by Jeffery Johnson.. who looks so much like Greg Kinnear that I didn't realize it wasn't him until the end of the movie) wonders the same thing.

Brady lost his wife.. his kid.. his life to alcohol and a DUI and has only kept his job because his boss has a soft spot for him.

He doesn't know what to do with the letters and figures he'll take them to the local church and leave them for the Pastor to deal with. Only the Pastor has other ideas. He tells Brady that the letters were put in his hands for a reason and he has to let God speak to him to find out what should be done with them.

Make no  mistake that this movie is about the greatness of God.. how He does not give us more then we can handle.. how faith can lead us to the wonder's of God's grace.

The movie also stars Robyn Lively as Tyler's mother Maddie.. soap queen Maree Cheatham as Tyler's grandmother and Ralph Waite (good night, John Boy!) as the gumpy neighbor who is anything but when explaining to Tyler why kids in school make fun of him.

This isn't a movie for everyone.. but it is a movie for those who enjoy celebrating God or who need to find the party.

Review: The Last Seven

You know... there's something about productions coming out of England. They're just.. I don't know how to explain it.. a step up?

Dunno.. maybe it's just the accents.

At any rate..

If you like WFT??? movies.. this is the one for you.

If you like movies that keep you on your toes and where you have to pay attention to everything on the screen (anyone remember Memento?) then this is DEFINITELY the movie for you.

You can kind of figure out by the title and tagline that this is a movie where one day, there's only 7 people left in London.

But why?

That's what's going to have you asking until the very end of the film.

Until then, you'll watch 7 people with onset amnesia trying to figure out what the hell happened and what the hell all those puzzle pieces of memory that snap in and out of their head is all about.

Gradually, the pieces start coming together and depending on how daft you are (how's that for being non-insulting??) will depend on when you figure it out.

It'll be fun if you commented on who you think this dude is on the right..

He's one of those silly things that me and Tim argue about.

So yea.. I didn't think I'd be as into this movie as I was since I wasn't familiar with any of the cast but I'm glad I gave it a chance.

Highly recommended.

Review: Life As We Know It

Ok.. guys?

If you think this is just your routine chick flick, then I think you ought to know that even the Man's Man that is Tim loved it. And believe me, he would rather gouge his eyeballs out with a dull spoon then watch a chick flick.

It really is that good.

Predictable.. yes. You know from the first frame of the film that Katherine Heigl (her generation's Meg Ryan) and Josh Duhamel (ANY  generation's poster boy for O.M.f.G!) are going to be together by the last frame.

It's the getting there that is hysterical.

Heigl's Molly is one of those bougie organic eatery owners who has a list for everything including her perfect man. She's uptight enough to make you roll your eyes but not so uptight that she's irritating.

Duhamel's Messer is a typical guy's guy with the dream job.. working in the camera booth for the local NBA team. He's everything she's not.. which makes them so perfect together. A fact not missed by their best friends, the parents of a toddler, who bequeath the baby to Holly and Messer in their will.

Of course, the parents die and the hilarity begins.

You have the obligatory changing the dirty diaper scenes.. and can't get the baby to stop crying scenes .. and the realization that life as they knew it had changed scenes.. but they're smartly written and well acted and just different from what's been done before.

I have to say though.. that as much as I could just stare and drool at Josh Duhamel, the scene stealer is Sarah Burns as the social worker. She only has three or four scenes but each one kept getting funnier and funnier.

Josh Lucas ( of Poseidon, Sweet Home Alabama and quivering thighs with heart flutters)also takes a spin playing Holly's almost love interest.

You won't be disappointed. Definitely two thumbs up and worth springing for the popcorn, nachos and big box of raisenettes!

Review: Skating With The Stars

Ok.. so.

Skating With The Stars isn't something that I would normally watch.. or go out of my way to remember taping but I like Bethenny Frankel. She is what she is and makes no apologies for it. It's one of the reasons why I think she's exploded in pop culture. At almost 40, she's not only a reality show star (RHWONY, Bethenny Getting Married? and soon, Bethenny Ever After), a wife, mother, chef, writer and entrepreneur among other things.

To me, she has a lot to be admired for but you know, that's opinion. You either love her or hate her.

Obviously, the judges of SWTS (particularly Johnny Weir) hate her. And for what?

From the beginning, the judges: Weir, Dick Button (who really needs to lay off the leery sauce) and Lorianne somebody, a choreographer who honestly believes that everyone in the universe knows who she is (hint: WRONG, girlfriend) they were throwing Bethenny under the bus. Here's a woman who is handling her business AND still jetting across the country weekly to put on ice skates and perform. You'd think that they would commend that.

You'd think.

But I think what got their panties all up in a twist is that Bethenny truly has it all. And that annoys them. Particularly Johnny Weir who during the first or second episode tells her that skating has to be the be all and the end all in her life.

Um. No. It doesn't. Maybe for YOUR life, Johnny, because that's your CAREER.. but this was suppose to be just a fun show and excuse the women who's main priority is her family and the business' that support that family.

I missed a few episodes but apparently, the judges reactions to her performances were so harsh that Bethenny went on record saying that she didn't care what they thought of her.. she was there to have fun.. to have fun with her partner and that's exactly what she's doing.

After her performance last night, Dick Button referred to her as the "Bristol Palin of SWTS" .. I mean, really? What's your obsession people?? And then Weir said that if SHE didn't care what the judges think that HE doesn't care to watch her perform.

Can you say BRAT?

Did someone not tell him OR Dick Button that THIS was NOT an International Figure Skating Event OR an Olympic event?? It's a TV Show for God's sake, people!!

There's no doubt in anyone's mind.. including Bethenny's .. that she's not going to make it to the finals. And while the judges all pat themselves on the back and gloat when she finally leaves the ice, who's actually the winner? Someone who went with the spirit of the competition and had fun pushing to do things they didn't think possible or Johnny Weir?

Go frolic in your closets, boys.. you know you just wish you had her fabulous life.. and her freakin' hot husband Jason!

Bizarro: Reborn Babies

Let me just state for the record that dolls and clowns scare the willies out of me and that I think I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to really.. REALLY.. try to sleep at 3am instead of watching BBC America documentaries.

Is it me or does all of England suffer from one type of mental disorder or another? Because so far, I've seen men who have "plastic" girlfriends .. one guy even had multiple ones and he would stage cat fights. Sweet. Really? No.

There's been adult men who get off wearing diapers and being treated like a baby .. too warped to even think about.

And now, Reborn Babies.

Ok, so this isn't strictly a Brit thing but still.

So Reborns are baby dolls. LIFE like baby dolls. TOO life like if you ask me ( and some of the husband's that appeared in the documentary ) .. Some breath.. some have heart beats.. some move.. some wimp.

They have the skin texture and weight and mobility that real babies have. You can design your own, choosing hair color and texture.. moles.. birth marks.. whatever.

It's like Build-A-Bear only a lot more expensive.

Here's the thing.. if you were a doll collector, that's one thing but the women featured in this documentary (including one of the "artists" they featured) have all been talking a pull off of Miley's bong.

One woman, who doesn't want to have biological children because it would intrude on her "too fun" marriage, thinks nothing of walking her reborns in a stroller.. taking them to the park.. and dropping 300 bucks on a Roberto Cavelli outfit before jumping a plane to the states to pick up her latest one. She tries to make you believe that she KNOWS they're not real.. and she just enjoys them because she really doesn't want to deal with real babies and their dirty diapers. But all that goes out the window when the newest doll arrives in her hotel room and she realizes that it's damaged after "bonding" with it. The doll isn't perfect so off it went with this woman practically having a meltdown. She was there with her mother, who just looked on like this was perfectly normal.

Um. Okkkaayyyy.

Then there's the grandmother obsessing about her grandson. Through out the whole entire episode, she's going on and on about him and you're lead to believe that he's dead. It isn't until she custom orders her reborn to look just like her grandson.. picks it up.. proudly shows it to her husband who does NOT have the reaction she wanted that you find out that the real kid isn't dead.. he's off living in New Zealand with his mother and her new husband.

Even the artist admits that she started making the dolls because after her 4th child, she couldn't have anymore.

She bought the first one under the guise that it was for her daughter and was so disappointed that the reborn did not look as real as it did in the picture that she started making her own.

I'm sorry. I know that there should be a certain amount of empathy that one should have when dealing with the mentally challenged but I just can't do it.

If your wondering, the pictures on this post are ALL reborn baby dolls and not the real things.

Just one other question..

When the HELL is Dr. Who coming back on??

Review: Haunted

As much as I am obsessed with movies, sometimes not all of them hit my radar.

Case in point? 1995's Haunted.

Just how a movie starring Aidan Quinn, Kate Beckinsale and Anthony Andrews skirted by me is as much a mystery as this movie is.

Quinn plays David Ash, who's twin sister Juliette accidentally downs as a child growing up in the English country side. His American mother moves him to the States where he grows to become a professor of psychology and spends his time writing books disproving the paranormal and busts fake psychics at seances.

He returns to England to teach at University and keeps receiving requests from an old woman, Mrs. Webb, who insists that she is living with ghosts and implores him to help her. Initially he resists, until his assistant informs him that the woman lives in Edbrook. For some reason, this piques his interest and he travels back to the English country side to convince the old woman that what she thinks are ghosts can be dispelled.

Or is it?

Upon arrival, Ash meets the adult children of the estate Christina (Beckinsale), Robert (Andrews) and Simon (Alex Lowe) who are.. um.. well.. let's just say the word "inappropriate" is an understatement! They're weird.. they think that Mrs. Webb (once their nanny is weird) and poor Professor Ash has everything he knows to be true turned upside down.

Sir John Gielgud also makes an appearance as the formidable Dr. Doyle.

This isn't your typical haunted house movie and there were moments in the film where I actually jumped out of my skin and chocked on my microwave popcorn!

So if you come across this in the 5.99 bin at WalMart, make the investment. It really is a great movie.

Review: Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew Season 4

Dr. Drew certainly does get around, huh? Between LoveLine, Teen Mom, Celebrity Rehab .. I think it's safe to say that where ever the celebrity, the infamous and the dysfunction meet, Dr. Drew is right there next to the "equal" sign.

That is, if VH1 is anywhere near the vicinity. They've seem to corner the market on craziness.

At any rate, I  like Dr. Drew. I like his facial expressions and his calm eye rolls and he really does seem to have sincere motivations in helping these twits .. even though the majority of them see this as a way to put some much needed dough in their pockets.

Seriously.. look at the last three seasons and you won't find a Lindsay Lohan among them..

Since I don't drink or do drugs.. I really believe my addiction is watching people who do. It fascinates me and I think this is the first season where I was familiar with the whole cast. Well, except for one. But we'll get to that later.

Expect the same dramas.. the same break thrus.. the same dysfunctions.. the same tantrums... because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that it doesn't matter if one is a celebrity or not. A junkie is a junkie is a junkie.

Eric Roberts

Before he was "Julia's brother" and "Emma's father", Eric was quite the actor himself. In fact, I think I remember drooling over him waaaay back in the 80's when King of the Gypsy was release.

Back in then, coke ran rampant and as the story goes, he was more then happy to sit on a pile of it. Now, according to him, his only vice is pot that he "vaporizes". Who knew.

The one thing that is getting on my nerves already is his over use of the word "baby". Sorry, Eric, the whole lounge lizard thing went out with the big piles of coke.

Frankie Lons

Um.

Who?

Her bio says that she's "..Keisha Cole's biological mother".

Um.. ok.

And.. um.. excuse me for being ignorant but who is Keisha Coles? I may not know who she is because I only listen to country and alternative music but even Jason Davis asked the same question so I don't feel so bad.

Janice Dickenson

I LOVE Janice!!

The self described "First Super Model" and the epitome of a "hot mess" .. I just love her. Maybe it's because I read her autobiography years ago so I know a little bit of the history that made her what she became but I really think that she is one of the few that really does want to beat her demons.

I doubt that the "clean" Janice will be anywhere near as entertaining but she deserves to have some peace in her life.

Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis

Jason is what happens when excess is used in place of love. He was raised by his billionaire grandfather who died when Jason was 15, leaving Jason alone, lost, unloved and self medicating with drugs. He lives behind his walls and it's soo obvious that he pushes people away before they can get close. He's truly socially inept and it's sad.

At 25 (I think), he's a shell of a person. Doesn't take care of his health.. doesn't take care of his hygiene. He just doesn't give a crap and at the onset of this season, he just seems like he's going through the motions waiting to die. Interestingly, he was on an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker last season and the change between then and now is sad.

Ironically, he's one that I'm rooting for.

Jason Wahler

I think Jason Wahler was one of those 11th hour addicts signed on because they needed one more person for the show.

I mean, really. He's one of those people who are famous for being famous. Or change that to infamous. He's known for three things 1) Filming Laguna Beach and The Hills 2) Dating Lauren Conrad 3) Getting a DUIs like.. every other night.

His drug of choice is alcohol and even though is so obvious that he's an alcoholic that needs help, I'm not sure he has the big personality needed to be on this show. How's that for sick, right?

Jeremy London

Poor Jeremy. No matter how hard he tries.. or how much he believes it himself.. the fact that he was kidnapped and forced to smoke crack at gunpoint is just.. well.. come on.. a little hard to believe.

I know you remember that story, right? Maybe it did happen... I don't know. But Jeremy and his baby's momma (who is also being treated at the same facility but off camera) have issues. BIG issues. Hopefully they both get their shit together.

Leif Garrett

Like Janice.. I really, really, REALLY hope that Leif is finally able to get the help that he needs. From my guesti-mation, he's been an addict for what? Thirty years? Hard core stuff.. not just vaporizing pot.

Along with the whole child-star target on his back, he carries around the guilt of paralyzing his best friend and as we all learned by following Mike Starr from Alice in Chains last season, that bag of guilt is no joke.

I've seen plenty of documentaries and interview with Leif and honestly, I do hope he gets clean. But deep down I think he's on the show just for the paycheck.. and that's really sad.

Rachel Uchitel

Even though I think that Rachel Uchitel isn't talking about this on camera.. doesn't want it mentioned on camera.. she's the chick that did Tiger Woods when he was married and started that whole ball rolling.

Ok.. I get that you don't want to be "known" for that but come on.. do you think no one remembers?

Anyway.. she's pretty messed up mentally. Her father OD'd when she was young and her fiance was killed in the 9/11 attacks so she has major abandonment issues. That's no joke and even though she thinks she doesn't have "street cred" because she's not a hard core junkie like some of the others, she's got issues that are screwing up her life in the same way.

So there you have the cast of Season 4. Should be interesting. They seem to be MORE of everything.. more addicted.. more troubled.. more diva-ish.. more resistant.

Dr. Drew has his work cut out for him.

Business FAIL: Western Union... AGAIN!!

So...

If you missed my post about how Western Union is the poster child for bad business, you might want to read HERE first .. just to bring you up to speed.

Or not ...

The short and curly version is that I tried to wire money online but because my cell phone number isn't technically in my name, they refused to finalize the transfer and cancelled the order. I then had to go to my local super market and do it in person.

That's the gist.. with all the other nonsense in between.

Ok..

So earlier I went online to check my bank statement and I'm not seeing the balance that I should see. I dig a little deeper and guess what? My bank took 105.00 in over draft fees.  WFT?? I seldom.. seldom.. if ever.. over draft. Since online banking started, I check my account at least four times a day .. when you don't have money you kind of get anal about doing that. So I KNEW I didn't over draft ANYTHING and the funny thing was, if you looked at the transaction history, there was NO NEGATIVE BALANCE.

And then it hit my like a ton of bricks.

The whole Western Union Snafu.

If you remember, the original transaction of 438.00 was cancelled. Could it be that Western Union didn't put my money BACK as fast as they took it? Hmmm...

Luckily, my bank ENCOURAGES you to call customer service 24/7 .. I call and talked to the ever personal Jamal. No kiddng.. he was a nice guy. I explain everything to him and even though he's sympathetic to my plight he tells me that TECHNICALLY at the time I used my debit to buy you know.. FOOD.. I didn't have the funds.

I was just about thisclose to unleashing the Italian when he tells me that what I HAVE to do is call Western Union and that they are liable to pay for the overdraft fee since they did not return the money that they took.

Oh.
OH!!!

So I call Western Union and I half expect to hear that Jamal was full of shit and just telling me ANYTHING to get me off the phone. But when I explained the situation to the customer service rep, he switched me to a women whos name I can't pronounce even though she spelled it for me.. and SHE matter of factly told me that yes, they will reimburse the over draft fee.

She took my info and the banks info.. told me that she will forward it to her supervisor for approval and then they will contact the bank to transfer the money.

So we'll see.. just seems TOO easy to me.. even though by doing what they did would open them up to all kinds of lawsuits which would cost them more then 105.00.

I'll keep you posted.

Review: Tangled

Ok..

First of all, let me just say that I'm not into "kid" stuff .. Never watched cartoons as a kid.. or a teen.. or an adult for that matter and since I've never had kids of my own I didn't have to deal with Barney or the Wiggles or the whatevers.

I count my blessings every night.

But back in July, we took Josh to see Despicable Me and while we waited for the movie to start, they showed a trailer for Disney's Tangled.

And I absolutely adored it and committed myself by telling Tim that I wanted to see it when it came out. His blue eyes lit up like candles where behind them because anytime he can get me to watch anything "family", he thinks he scored big.

Except for Space Chimps or Moon Monkeys or whatever that stupid movie was called. That one is completely off limits.

Anyway.. back to Tangled.

I had the opportunity to watch it tonight and let me tell you.. I LOVED.. LOVED.. LOVED IT!!

If you can't already guess, it's a tweeked version of Rapunzel .. the chick stuck in a tower with miles and miles of hair.

But it's smart .. it's better then "well written" .. the CGI is so amazing that you sometimes forget that you're not watching real people .. well.. until the animals talk and sing .. but you know what I mean. It's just clever and you never get the sense that you're watching a kids' movie.

Definitely one where I'd recommend going to the movies.. buying the big bucket of popcorn AND spring for the cheesy nachos. I guarantee you'll love it!

Business FAIL: Western Union

OMG...

FAIL is such an understatement. Really.. there are no words.

If you never had to send money via Western Union and find yourself in the position of having to.. remember this:

DO NOT DO IT ONLINE

Especially if you are using a phone that is not in your name.

Because one their "security" checks is your phone number and if it isn't in YOUR name then guess what? You can't send money.

I know this because I went through this earlier today. I never had to send money WU before and so I did what probably every person with a laptop and internet connection would do.. I went to their website. Filled out their information, including their request for TWO phone numbers, and hit send.

A message popped up with the transaction information and instructions to call their customer service department so that information cold be verified.

Never having to do this before I thought it might be because it was a new account.. or maybe because I was using my debit card? Have no idea.

So I call and get a lovely foreign women named Monica. :: In case you didn't catch on, that was heavily laden with sarcasm :: She asks me questions.. I give her answers .. and then she asks me if my cell phone is in my name.

It is .. but it isn't. It's a long story but it has to do with my once flourishing career and the fact that I had built an awesome reputation with my original name. Like most professional women, keeping that intact once you get married is just a matter of having two names. Or hyphens... but Italian names and Lithuanian names do not make good hyphenated names.

And there in lay the problem because Western Union will NOT... I repeat.. WILL NOT.. transfer money through an online request if YOUR PHONE NUMBER IS NOT IN YOUR NAME.

Let me ask you this.. who's name is your home phone under? On a family cell phone plan? Who's name is THAT under .. ?? Using that as a security is just.. plain.. STUPID.

I'm going to go into more of the story on my personal blog but let's just say that Western Union more then knows my personal opinion on their little rule.

But here's the best part:

If you happen to go into a supermarket that handles WU, you don't have to show ANY FORM OF ID WHAT SO EVER ...

So yea.. for me? Western Union is a HUGE FAIL!

Good Eats: Cheddar Bagel Twist

It's 3:15am and I'm starving...

That's what happens when you can play Black Ops for four hours straight because everybody else in the house is asleep and you can't watch the Skating With The Stars show you DVR'd because certain people can't sleep with the tv on..

Sorry.. I'm over-tired.

Anyway...

So I'm starving and even though the house is loaded.. and I mean LOADED with stuff to eat nothing is cutting it.

I know what I want and the only place I'm going to find it is five blocks away.

Did you ever have a Dunkin' Donuts Cheddar Bagel Twist? OMG!! Think soft chewy bagel all twisted up around melted cheddar cheese. And not that funky cheese that they put on their sandwiches. Or maybe it is.. it just takes a whole hell of a lot better when it's melted and bubbly and there's little crunchy edges.

And they're HUGE!! Like the size of two bagels. Not great for the hips but using your thumbs burns us A LOT of calories!

Hey! Just feed into my delusion, ok??

There are other flavors like cinnamon raisin, chocolate chip, tomato basil .. but the don't tickle my fancy.

At any rate.. next time you swing by, do yourself a favor and grab one. You'll wonder how you lived with out them!

Web Watch: Swayable.Com

Have you ever been undecided about something? Or can't decide between this or that?

Duh! Stupid question!!

Check this website .. it's not only filled with either or's but you have the opportunity to make your own THIS or THAT .. It's cool and I really, really like it so check it out!

swayable.com

Review: Stone

I was looking forward to seeing this movie for a few reasons:

1. Nobody plays a psychotic/sociopath prison like Edward Norton. Just watch Primal Fear if you have any doubts.

2. I've been a fan of Robert DeNiro since 1978's The Deer Hunter

3. Milla Jovovich is definitely under rated as an actress and even though she's been is a slew of movies, she's unfortunately tagged with being the Resident Evil bitch

I was in the mood for a good movie.. one that I could really wrap my head around and mentally invest myself in.

DeNiro plays Jack, a parole officer a few weeks shy of retirement. One of his last cases is Stone, an 8 year inmate played by Edward Norton.

Doing time for setting his grandparent's house on fire after his cousin kills them, Stone is bugging to be paroled and enlists his wife, Jovovich to help by contacting Jack.

The movie starts with a lot of questions and never quite seems to answer them to my satisfaction, at least.

Was Jovovich's actions the initial intent?
Is Stone's new found religion a ploy?

There are a lot of subplots that are never really fully integrated into the story line. The opening scene shows a young Jack threatening to throw his child out a second floor window after his wife says she's leaving him. That scene is never discussed again and gives no insight to psyche.

The film ends with even more questions and while sometimes film that do that, do that well.. I was left feeling like I spent a few hours mixing up puzzle pieces only to lose one in the mix.

Or this may be the kind of film that you have to watch a few times to really get it's meaning.. I'll have to get back to you on that.

If you do see it, let me know what you think. Maybe I missed something. I hope so because it would be a shame to have let all that talent go to waste.

     

Review: Downsized

When I saw the trailer for this new WEtv show, I wanted to watch it... but then I didn't want to watch it.

Like many of us .. too many of us .. Todd, Laura and their mix of 7 kids have been hit hard by the economy.

They lived the high life.. a home.. an investment condo.. a million dollar plus construction business.. but then the economy tanked and so did their roughly 15,000 a month  lifestyle.

I feel their pain. Without the big home, investment condo, million dollar business and 15,000 a month  lifestyle, their story could be mine and that's why I was reluctant to watch it.

Like me, they have a hard time making their rent. On this episode, they were 300.00 short and two days late on the rent and Laura resorted to calling her father and stepmother. And when she told them that she felt like a failure for having to call them, I was right there with her.

Having to recently close our business and with only 5 months left on my unemployment, our anxiety level is beyond high. Trying to move to reduce our rent and not finding anyone willing to rent to us because of our financial situation keeps us too late at night worrying about keeping the house.. providing for the kids, etc.

You feel lost.. you over analyze every decision you've made in your life even though you can't go back and change anything.. a lot of tears are shed.

But anyway...

Todd's reaction to Laura calling her parents is common. It's a blow to the ego.. especially when it comes with a lecture. Been there.. done that. And what makes it worse is when you have to tell the kids. I'm a firm believer that kids should remain kids for as long as possible but sometimes they need to know what kind of situation the family is in.

But it's obvious that Todd and Laura raised some good kids because upon hearing that the rent was short, the boys (all teenagers) tried to come up with ways to make money. Their solution was "dumpster diving" for plastic and glass to recycle. Honestly, I'm not sure if that was done for the cameras or not but the scene where the family searches the furniture and van for change to turn in at the bank could be written out of my book of life.

The family does receive food stamps and in this episode, one 16 year old daughter was beyond embarrassed in the only way a 16 year old girl can be because she didn't have enough to pay for everything she needed to get.

By the end of the episode, with still a 100.00 short on the rent and the stomach knot because the landlord has to be paid, the day was saved by one of the boys who sold his prized baseball glove for a hundred bucks.

And even though I should have gotten the warm and fuzzies, I got to thinking that maybe that was a little bit of a coincidence and perhaps maybe a little set up. While I don't doubt that the family has to make a huge adjustment, it dawned on me that they're getting paid to let us look in their window.

The majority of us in the same situation aren't.. and what might have been sympathy very easily turns into resentment.

Review: Buried

Considering that Ryan Reynolds is this year's People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive you would think that spending two hours watching him and only him would cause any red blooded woman to sit back and swoon.

You would think that.

Sadly, I think I'd rather sit and stare and the People Magazine cover for two hours instead of watching this movie.

Reynold's plays a private contractor in Iraq. His convoy of kitchen utensils gets attacked and the next thing he knows he wakes up in a box, buried alive. He has a zippo, a flask, his anti-anxiety meds (what?) and a cell phone.

That's all you know too. There are no flash backs.. no other actor's ( other then voices ).. no third person view.

I guess the intention was to have the audience in the dark as much as Reynold's character was.. but that just made it harder to form any kind of bond with the character. Did he take this job because his house was about to be forclosed and his wife was pregnant with his sixth child? Dunno. Did he need the money to help his alcoholic father pay for rehab? Dunno.

All you know is that he's in a box.

The cell phone is the supporting actor in this movie. The kidnappers use it to demand 5 million dollars.. then 1 million ( would you take the price of a movie ticket? ) .. and Reynolds uses it to first call 911 (really?) and then the company he worked for (seriously?) and then finally, the FBI and State Department.


Now, I can't say what my demeanor or thought process would be if I was working for a private contractor in Iraq and woke up buried alive in a box with a cell phone but something tells me it wouldn't be what his was. 911? Really?

Seriously, there were SO MANY things this dude could have done that would have helped the people trying to help him.

I'm not going to tell you whether he gets out of the box or not .. if I spent two hours waiting for this movie to make any sense then the least I can do is give you the option to do the same .. and maybe, give you the opportunity to offer your take on it.

Maybe I was just having a bad night.. but I don't think so.

Recap: The Fashion Show S2E1

Y'know sometimes imitation ISN'T the sincerest form of flattery.

Sometimes imitation is just another way of saying OMG! We Fucked Up!

Which is what I think Bravo was thinking when lost Project Runway and witchery stitched The Fashion Show.

Even thought I wasn't impressed AT ALL with Season 1 and basically just watched it because it was the only thing On Demand at 3am I figured I'd give Season 2 a shot.

Truth be told, I had forgotten all about it. But beings that it is now 2am and the opener is on BravoTv.Com I figured what the hell.. I had too much coffee so sleeping isn't an option right now!

Isaac Mizrahi (didn't he used to be like.. a BIG deal back in the day?) and Iman are the hosts and I have to tell you, I haven't even been though the opening credits yet and hearing Iman say ".. yull owt uf fasheen" is starting to great on my nerves.

Even though the designers had to put on a fashion show in the first five minutes of the episode, the premise this season is one "house" versus the other with the gaggle of designers split into two teams .. um.. "houses".

Stand outs were Calvin Tran .. who really SHOULD have stood out since he owns three stores in three major US fashion markets, don't you think?

I like Rolando Tamez Jr. but I think it's only because he's adorable. Sort of like a young Lou Diamond Philips (MAjor crush when I was a teen!)

I really dug Tamara Jones's coat and her attitude. She's a 'hood girl and I mean that with all the love and respect another 'hood girl can give her!

I would definitely wear Eduardo Del Las Casas confection.. that is, if I was 20 with legs that went on for miles and a size -0 ass!

Anyway.. so after the runway show, Iman tips out like she's had Botox IV'd in her joints and tells the designers that they were to use her as their muse for the first challenge and then drops the bombshell that they're going to be in teams.

Their looks are priceless.. especially the ones who were already talking smack about their competitors!

The blue team, renamed NAMI ( Iman backwards.. get it?) consists of Mike, Dominique, Cesar, Rolando, Edwardo and David,  all seem calm, laid back, open to suggestions and definitely working like a team.

The green team, renamed EMERALD SYX (don't ask) is the polar opposite. Calvin, Tamara, Francine, Golnessa, Cindy and Jeffry all have strong personalities and Calvin is nothing short of a complete diva bitch. His best line of the night was ".. I am the team, you have no opinion". Like I said.. diva bitch!

Time leading up to the runway show is just what you expect... bickering.. panic.. trash talking.. same old same old. What I did like about TFS's runway is that it's a production. The Houses' work with a runway producer so it's more then just PR's drab catwalk. Kudos.

Emerald Syx presents their collection first .. a drug induced rainbow of bright yellows, purples, navy and some other color that I can't remember right now. Honestly wasn't impressed. All the pieces, except for Calvin's gown, looked like something coming out of a freshman sewing class. Or maybe that's just the way it came off on tv.

Nami's collection is a study in white, as we'd say in my old art school days. And let me tell you.. I'd wear every single one of those creations... if I could fit in them!

Hands down, the clear winner is Nami. No question.

I'm not going to go into individual pieces because there are so many designers and this post is already long enough.

Ceaser won the individual honor with is subtle grey printed one shoulder gown.

The losing designer... the one who's owt uf fasheen was Franchine.

But not before Calvin got a dressing down for his attitude.

While I think this may be fun to watch when there's absolutely nothing better to watch, I'm still giving it a thumbs down.

Review: Apocalypse, Pa

A few things you should know before reading this review:

We are in the process of making a move to the mountains of upstate Pennsylvania

As long as I've known Tim, he's desired nothing more then to become self-sustaining. Believe me, this man could survive on just twigs, berries and a bow.

So he was nothing short of bursting out with corn grain when he happened to come across this show on the History Channel.

No Frank, you are NOT crazy!

If men can become BFF's then I'm sure Tim and Frank Belcastro, the show's focus would be it.

Belcastro and his family (wife, daughter and son) live in rural Pennsylvania. I know where they live and it's not as "Pennsyl-tucky" as it's portrayed but still not like your in the middle of Philadelphia.. if you know what I'm saying.

At any rate, Frank wants to be self-sustaining. Get back to living like Americans lived back in the day.
He says he wants to be prepared .. and believe me, Frank.. I know the feeling.

In the episodes that aired tonight, him and his boy converted an old truck from running on gasoline to wood chips or manure because what if there was a time when there was no gasoline. Believe me, we've had those conversations.

What was really funny was when he sent his wife and daughter to buy goats.. initially for the milk but as he said to his son, "... there are other uses for goats" and states that he hopes his daughter isn't getting too attached to them. Meanwhile, she's taking the baby goat to the feed store to have it's picture taken with the Easter Bunny! Again, me and Tim have had those conversations before.

I liked the show.. I liked where Frank was coming from even though in interviews he appears to stay level on the actual reasons for his belief. Maybe this is just something he's always wanted to do.. or maybe he sees what we see and knows that there will be a time very soon where you either survive or you don't.

At any rate.. if for nothing else, you'll be entertained by his quirkiness.. his wife's reactions to his ideas and to the things he builds.

If you're of like mind.. you'll be taking away much, much more.

New episodes, I believe, will be airing after Thanksgiving but the History Channel hasn't decided if they're going to pick it up as a series yet.

I hope they do.

Review: Call Of Duty: Black Ops

Um..

I would have reviewed this sooner ( it was released on 11.09 ) but I've been too busy playing the damn things.

I'll be honest with you.. I can't really give you an unbiased opinion because Call Of Duty is my favorite game to play on PS3.

And PLEASE can we forgo the PS3 vs Xbox rants? It's old. Honestly, it is. And since most of the people going back and forth about it are adults, can we just put our high school letterman sweaters away and just agree to disagree?

One other thing.. save your time and don't waste mine with the hate mail, ok? If you don't like my review... then write your own. It's that simple.

Ok.. so to me, Black Ops is a well made hybred of World at War and Modern Warfare 2. The think I liked most about WAR was how the guns had some body to them and didn't fly all over the place when you shot. MW2 is a bitch of a game to play because I could never shoot steady. Again, that's me. With BO, set in the Vietnam / Cold War era (supposedly) I can manage the guns so I don't appear to be a total noob when I first played.

One thing in this game that wasn't in other COD games is that you can purchase your weapon attachments. Prior to, all you did was rack up kills and your reward for those kills was a scope or extended mags or whatever. Now, you bank enough COD dough and you can buy whatever you want whenever you want. Some things do require you hit certain levels to unlock but it was cool getting extended mags right off the bat.

There are also a lot of other neat little things that you can "buy" .. you can change the colors of your sight lens or change the actual dot into something cool like a heart or smiley face. Gives you a giggle on the kill cam!

The RC exploding cars are cool .. but you have to make sure you use them when you know where an enemy is because they're blow up on you and the crossbow is as cool as hell.

Like MW2, you get additional points for doing stuff like revenge kills or buzz kills or payback kills and you have the option of picking your killstreak rewards.

I'm not sure if the simulation is in other games.. never checked. But, yknow, getting used to new maps is a bitch especially when you are up against people who live in their mother's basement and have already prestiged up twice so the simulation is an awesome way to learn the maps and find the little nooks and crannies.

So if you're a PS3er, keep an eye out for WarKittenz.

Cause that's me holding two paws up!

Review: Easy A

Emma Stone plays Olive .. one of those witty, snarky high school girls that you really don't appreciate until you're seated next to them at a high school reunion and you think, Damn.. why wasn't I friends with you then!

Look.. I'll be honest with you.. if you have half a brain you're going to know how the movie turns out as soon as it begins... but if you just sit back and roll with it, you're going to laugh your ass off. It's hard to decide which line is the funniest because there were so damn many and I'm not going to spoil any of it for you.. so don't ask.

I will say that Olive gets herself into situation when she lies and says she's hanging out with a college boy because she wants to get out of a camping trip with her best friend and her family.

Classic scene. Do NOT miss the camping scene!

BFF's being BFF's.. she kept pushing Olive for details and so Olive does what every high school girl does when backed into a locker .. lies. Makes up this over the top story about what went on which, of course, is over heard by the school's Queen of Christianity.. Mariane.

Amanda Bynes' Mariane is nothing short of a trip. I always liked her as an actress and this part was just over the top enough to make me forget that silly little kids movie she did a while back.

Unfortunately for Emma Stone, the movies also stars Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson as her parents and Lisa Kudrow as the school's councilor. The three should be charged with burglary because they steal every scene they're in .. especially because I am of an age where I could have a daughter in high school. Really.. can you imagine me as a parent? Yea.. well.. take that thought and apply it to Olive's parents.

The script is just smartly written.. better then I thought it was going to be.. so definitely worth a trip to the theater with popcorn AND the 15 buck mega meal!

It's that good.

Definitely two thumbs up!

Review: Teach - Tony Danzy

Let me start off by saying that I had NO DESIRE WHAT SO EVER to watch this show..

But thanks to the 2am boredom gods and On Demand, I am SOOOO GLAD that I watched the first four episodes.

THIS IS A MUST SEE... seriously, a MUST SEE

I think just about everyone my age knows Tony Danza, primarily from his role in Taxi. He's the kind of actor that you had posters of plastered all over your walls and then 20 or so years later when he pops up somewhere you're like OMG!! HE was HIM??

Anyway, the premise of the show is that pushing 60 (OMG again) he has the desire to teach, something that he originally wanted to do back before he showed up on the small screen. And so he does.. at Northeast High School in Philadelphia.

Let me just interject here that as a Philly girl, it was nice to see the city represented in a kinda good way although I don't necessarily think that NE High is the most accurate representation of an urban high school. I can think of a few others right off the top of my head but at least the school is diverse and has the right mixture of kids that make a reality show entertaining.

But make no mistake, this was hard to watch.

Hard because Danza is soooo sincere in what he wants to do. So much so that it is painful to watch him and his self-video commentaries. He is over his head.. he knows it.. he doesn't know how to reach the service.

Like I said, his motives are sincere. Just the amount of tears he sheds when he's trying to get through to the kids, teachers and principal that he's there for the right reasons and not to just make a television show.

One hardship in particular is a scene where he issues his first quiz on "Of Mice and Men". Three of his students want to head to the school's resource room and he tells them to stay in the room.. give the quiz a shot.. they might surprise themselves with how much they actually do know.

The problem is that these kids were on IEP's (Individualized Education Program) and if they want to go to the resource room then it's basically illegal not to send them.

The administration and the teaching consultant (I think that's what he is) get all in a tizzy and Danza is like all he wanted to do was gives these kids the opportunity to try and maybe if they try and they get a good grade it will snowball into them believing that they can do the work.

In being reproached  by the powers that be, the flat out tells them that he doesn't agree with IEP's.. that they've made the kids believe that they need special help when maybe all they needed was to be pushed to working harder.

A - freakin - MEN!!!

The point is, that this guy is trying, Hard. With the cards stacked against him. And like I said, it's painful to watch sometimes because if anything, you believe from the get go that he really wants to be that teacher that makes an important impression on a student that stays with them a lifetime.

He made a comment on one episode, "... get smart early or get smart late".

Watch this show early ... or watch it late.. just watch it,

NOTE: I purposely did not include commentary on the kids in his class because you really need to watch it for yourself and draw your own opinions.

Recap: Millionaire Matchmaker S4:1

Patti Stanger IS The Millionaire Matchmaker!

God,.

I don't know why I watch this show. Pure entertainment value or mindless background noise?

That's too harsh.

I mainly watch the show because of Patti Stanger.. I swiped the picture on the left of the 'net but apparently she's either had some work done.. or something.. because I remember her looking different on the show.

Anyway.. if you don't know the drivel of the show, Patti is a 3rd generation match maker with a HIGH success rate,

NOTE: I used to remember when the opening line was "99% success" rate but since the majority of the people she tried hooking up on the show didn't work out, I guess it was better not to set herself up... or maybe she just got hit with all the 1%ers.

I like Patti .. she tells it like it is and comes out with these one liners that are hysterical. She also can't be intimidated so when these mega rich people who can't survive the day without getting fawned over with palm leaves and eating peeled grapes are literally shoved off their high horse by Patti it's hysterical.

This season, the crew is in New York and the first two clients are some dude who did something with the internet and some chick who did something with the internet.

DEREK TABACCO

Ok... so this has nothing to do with anything but I thought it was weird that there was a 40-something year old  Italian dude from New York named Derek. No big deal.. just having my say.

Anyway so Derek is the typical 40-something man with a lot of money who wants life-size Barbie on his arm. He says he wants to settle down and have kids.. be with a girl his mother approves of (I stuck that in).. and so far he hasn't been able to find it.

Um... DUH!!

He's very much the little boy that never grew up and believe me, I know ALL about Italian men who never grew up.

Too much even!

BRYCE GRUBER

This chick (actually, this is a VERY good picture of her) is in her mid twenties and OBVIOUSLY grew up believing she was a princess.

She grew up with money, has a baby and also has this internet thing that gives her plenty of her own bank.

NOTE: Can something like that happen to me please?

Anyway, so for some reason this chick wants to meet someone because she's SOOOOOOO pretentious.
Best line of the night was when Patti was reviewing her tape and she says that she wants someone who looks like George Clooney only Jewish. Patti busts out with "... because YOU'RE so good looking SNOZOLA!"

So the way this happens is that Patti holds a "mixer" and the her clients pick two people they might want to date. Then they meet with those picks for a few minutes and then choose their main date.

Patti tells Derek that he has to make a list of deal breakers. As she said, "... if you want kids and she doesn't want kids, you close the penis off, put it back in it's zippered pocket and get the fuck out of dodge".

She tells Bryce that she needs to take the stick out of her ass and lighten up and let loose. Personally, I don't think it's a stick that's put this chick's ass.

So the mixer happens and Derek picks a hot, young stripper girl named Colby instead of Patti's fave Kristin who is really everything that Derek says he wants.

Bryce isn't hitting it off with anyone and when pressed by Patti, she tells her that Patti is the expert and if she knows so much that SHE should pick. Pattie tells her that she's not in her vagina and to hit the pavement but of course, she doesn't and Patti introduces her to Keith, a teacher and some other dude who's a comedian. I don't think Bryce said three words the whole night but ultimately Patti forces her to do the mini-dates and in the end she reluctantly picks Keith for the main date.

To his credit, Keith tried SO HARD to make the date work. SO HARD that I think he's going to be a little embarrassed to know that Bryce didn't actually pick him. He took her on a boat ride in the afternoon and then set up dinner inside a the museum where Carrie and Mr. Big were suppose to get married in the Sex and the City movie. Again, no talking. It was brutal to watch.

On the flip side, Derek showered Colby with gifts and dresses and jewelery because you know, nightclub hostess (cough cough) are very, very impressed with men almost 20 years older who buys them stuff on their first date. And of course, at the end of the night she was all amped to go out partying and dancing and Derek was ready for a warm glass of milk and a snuggie.

Derek realized that Patti was and he was wrong but he never did contact Kristin .. a woman who he probably would have had married and knocked up by now and Bryce.. well.. Bryce is still trying to learn to sit up straight without having the stick tear her sphincter!

I have episode 2 on DVR so I'm going to watch it now and will give you a recap shortly

Recap: Project Runway S8:14 (aka Finale Part 2)

I'll cut you, bitches

Ugh.

I think I'm still throwing up in my mouth after watching part 2 of Project Runway's Season Finale.

As you can probably guess, Gretchen won. Mondo lost and poor Andy never really had a chance.

The guest judge was Jessica Simpson and um.. excuse me but.. like.. doesn't she ALWAYS pop up on WORST dress lists? I mean WFT! What the hell was she doing there except maybe nailing the last nail in Mondo's coffin because she wanted him to take the top honors.

At any rate .. the show opens with a mini-reunion of all the designers. The segment was useless. I mean, at least on Survivor, everyone gets a chance to be acknowledged. Not so much here. I've forgotten who half the designers were and that did nothing to make me remember them.

There was the whole "road to the end" featuring the work of the three finalists and then some bantering about how Gretchen comes off like a bitch and how she felt that strong, confident woman are always thought of that way (there's that vomit in the mouth again!) and  half the designers thought it was how she represented because of the show and the other half was like, Nope.. she's a bitch.

Thankfully the segment didn't last that long.

The designers go back to the workshop to do their finishing touches.. Tim Gunn arrives and is worried about one of Andy's pieces looking like hair growing out of a vagina.. worried about Mondo and his bubble dress.. not so worried about Gretchen because he feels she got her shit together enough to ".. make it work!"

Three of Mondo's models didn't show up for their fittings so he's spazzing a little but there really isn't time to spaz because the show goes on in a few hours and THIS. IS. IT.

Poor Mondo, though. It was obvious that he was overwhelmed. Most of the time he had the "deer in head light" look.

Andy had made a last second pair of pants that it seemed half of the crew was working on and that ultimately, he scrapped.

Guess Tim was right about Gretchen because she seems as cool as the cucumber that's stuck up her bum.

Ok. So that was uncalled for. Sorta.

Andy's line showed first .. and I honestly liked it. I'd buy every piece if I was a sample size!! His colors were centered around a silvery grey and a beautiful shade of green. He opted to still use the head pieces .. which I was glad for because I personally thought they were awesome even if the judges didn't. The only thing he didn't have were dresses that were longer then thigh length and a gown or two. But still.. I liked it. And while the judges had a few good things to say about Andy and his line, we weren't on the same page and they cut him quickly.

Gretchen showed next and why she thought that wearing a damn bathing suit with a sheer skirt would be something ANYBODY wanted to see is beyond me but maybe it's just because I don't like her. She did listen to the judges though and her line was transformed into something more sleek and sophisticated because of the styling and accessories. I still don't like her clothes but even I could see that the collection LOOKED different and felt different. Both Michael Kors and Nina Garcia were so damn GAGA over it that you would think it was the first time both of them orgasmed over a women. They both felt she had her pulse on what's NOW and were fashion is heading.

I think they both smoked a little too much out of the Hooka.

Mondo's collection was a little bit of a disappointment for me.. there were two pieces that I really didn't understand ( an over-sized t-shirt with a Mexcian skull beaded on it and a tunic dress in black, aqua and pink ) but those are the pieces the judges all mutually applauded. Go figure. His collection was very Mondo but I think Nina and Michael were a little peeved that he didn't listen to their suggestions last week and either omit the bubble dress or alter it to make it less "custom-y". In his defense, it's Mondo's call  and not everybody is going to like everything. He went with his gut and it may have cost him the title.

At deliberation, Michael and Nina were Team Gretchen while Heidi and Jessica were Totally Team Mondo, It was funny to see them literally arguing and it was good to see Heidi attempting to hold her ground and calling them out for praising Mondo the whole season for what he designed and then condemning the designs at Fashion Week. I thought Nina was going to blow an extension or two!

In the end, I guess Heidi caved because WE KNOW WHO won but in thinking about it while I was writing this post, I actually think Mondo and Andy got the better deal. The pressure in on Gretchen now. Whether it's from other's or herself. She's the winner and she needs to produce. Andy and Mondo have had the exposure but can continue their career on their own terms.

Maybe the grass isn't always greener,