Recap: Teen Mom Season 2 (catching up)

Oh man.

If these four aren't the poster children for abstinence OR protection, then I'm at a lost.

At least Leah and Corey are redeeming themselves. Since I last posted, they've become engaged and still dealing with baby Ali's health issues.

Thankfully, Ali's MRI has come back clean but her pediatrician .. who, excuse me, belongs in some kind of horror movie or something .. but suggests she see a geneticists. She also needs to wear glasses.. which are adorable.. but how exactly does one perform an eye exam on a baby?

The couple is in redneck heaven and I'm glad to have the opportunity to watch them come back together and do the right thing for their family. They've both matured a lot .. and how cute was the family picture they took all dressed in camo?? So West Virginia!! LoL!

Ok.. so let's move on to Chelsea. I want to say that she made her bed and now she has to lie in it but, really. Have you SEEN her house? Does she EVER make a bed, do a dish or put clothes away?? So best friend Megan moves out because of Adam, the balloon knot father.. Chelsea's father wants him to pay rent .. Chelsea wants him to be superdad / superpartner .. and all the balloon know wants to do is what he's been doing which is getting his face on MTV.

Sorry, but while Chelsea is an idiot .. her father is the biggest fool. Because trust me on this one, if she was MY kid you can be damn sure things would be a LOT different.

So nothing has really changed for Chelsea except in the last episode, the balloon knot decided that he couldn't deal with her bitching and booked out.

Give up the fantasy, girl .. go back home.. finish getting your GED and get your tail in beauty school. Maybe then you'll be able to do something with that hair!!

Poor Kailyn wants to have it all .. and at least she has the ambition to try and get it. She's going to school, she's working too jobs, she finally made it clear to The Douchebag that not only did she not want to move in with him but didn't want a relationship period and she started dating the guy from work that she initially broke up with because The Douchebag's Puppet Master parents wouldn't allow her to continue living in their home if she dated someone other then her control freak son.

She tried to keep the new boyfriend a secret but you know, I can imagine she felt held down and confined. The Puppet Master Mother kept pushing her to give The Douchebag another chance and it didn't seem that anything Kailyn said about how she felt made a dent.

Fortunately, Kailyn was able to move out and stay at her mother's but she didn't get her or the baby's things out of The Puppet Master's house. Bad move. If I were here, I would have started taking things out little by little and THEN told them all where they needed to go.. but as it stands now, The Douchebag has the baby and her things and won't give her neither because she owes him money for her college tuition.

Kailyn's mom tried to get them for her but wound up having to call the police. Now, I watch A LOT of Judge Judy so I can tell you that what the police SHOULD have done is told him to give her stuff back and then take her to civil court for the money. I'm familiar with where Kailyn and The Douchebag live and I can tell you beyond certainty that the Nazareth Police Dept saw The Puppet Master's big house, gorgeous house and Kailyn's crazy mother and were like,, yea... we're not getting on their bad side because they probably donate a LOT of money.. so they basically tell The Douchebag what HE needs to do to make sure he gets custody of the baby.

There was a local news story in mid-February about Kailyn getting into a car accident when she was picking up the baby from daycare so apparently, she and The Douchebag worked out a custody arrangement. Since the baby is in daycare, I'm going to assume that K is still going to school, working her ass off and living on her own.

Last but not least we have Janelle and all the dysfunction that comes with her mother and her boyfriend. I really think Janelle is just lost. There seems to be a lot of history that hasn't been delved into regarding her mother and some male abandonment issues that she hasn't resolved yet... why else would she be so hell bent on sticking with KEIFER??

So with Jace in the custody of her mother, Janelle and Keifer got thrown out of her friends  house.. then were living at one of his friends summer place.. and when kicked out of there. The plan then was to use her student loan money to move to another town close to school, get an apartment and both get jobs. Janelle got a job but Keifer.. with is no-hs-diploma, no-ged and no-ambition ass couldn't find one. Not that I think he looked to hard, mind you. I keep going back to the conversation he had with Janelle's mother where he said that he was this awesome cook and could get a job anytime.

Well, mofo?? What's the dealio? Guess "anytime" doesn't apply to NOW, huh?

That plan falling through,  her mother agreed to them both staying there. Personally, I wouldn't have let him stay at my house but you know, I think Janelle needs to recognize that her mother did something she didn't have to do. But that was short lived because they got snagged smoking a bone in front of the house. Keifer was out but Janelle, with no where to go had to stay at her mother's.

The shit hit the fan.. again.. when Janelle drove Jace up to the store to get milk. Her mother saw the car seat still in her car and freaked the hell out.

Now, I'm no fan of the mother. But given Janelle's history, I could understand her getting bent out of shape with Janelle taking the baby somewhere in the car. Especially since her mother knows that Janelle is MORE then 420 friendly. Janelle keeps whining that SHE is Jace's mother. No girlfriend, you signed away guardianship.. regardless of whether it's temporary or not.

She runs to Keifer.. who she hasn't seen for three.. long... days... and both decide to drive up to New Jersey. She lies to her mother and tells her that she is going to a concert in Myrtle Beach for a few days. In fact, she was going to sneak out of the house with her stuff but her mother caught her. If she didn't, when was she going to find out?

Janelle? You know, I do have some empathy for you but you're going through that quick. You want your son, then you need to suck it up and prove your mother wrong. You want a man in your life? You have one.. his name is Jace and sorry, but it should break your  heart more then mine when he stares out the screen door watching you leave.

And do you REALLY think that using your mother's credit card on your Jersey excertion wasn't going to go unnoticed??

Things were going well until

Recap: Teen Mom S2E6 - Taking Sides

My GAWD.. should I just dig out my eyeballs now and save myself from watching Chelsea being an idiot?

Yea.. yea.. I know it's my choice to watch or not to watch but this chick is like a car crash. You can't help BUT watch.

Her father needs a swift slap upside the head to.. let my kid talk to me the way she talks to him when I'm the one footing the bill for everything and and we'll see how mouthy they are.
At any rate .. so Chelsea moves her baby's daddy (here in referred to as the "Balloon Knot") in the house her father is paying for. Her best-friend Megan.. who's stuck by Chelsea's side when the baby's daddy was being a major dick.. is also living there rent free.

Chelsea loves the Balloon Knot.. Megan hates the Balloon Knot .. the Balloon Knot doesn't want Megan living in the house HE DOESN'T PAY FOR all the while whining that he has to pay child support.

Well.. maybe next time he'll invest 3 bucks for a condom.

You know what happens, right? The Balloon Knot and Megan go at it and she winds up leaving while Chelsea whines more then a Napa Valley vineyard. Chelsea calls her father but like, really? What the hell do you think HE's going to except tell The Balloon Knot that he has to pay rent.

And while I'm watching this all play out I'm thinking to my self, "... good Lord they bred!"

Leah and Corey are getting boring with their all lovey-dovey selves. The only thing worth noting in this episode is that baby Ali is still too young for an MRI but a therapist is coming over to do exercises with the baby to help her develop. The lovey-dovey couple have a conversation about communicating better and their all happy and lovey dovey and Corey goes and buys Leah an engagement ring.

Insert heart flutter < here >

Janelle's little bad ass self and her BF Keifer have been staying in a friend's run down meth lab trailer since she got thrown out. She still having issues with getting financial aid because she up and gave up custody of her son so now she needs her mother's financial information ..

Is it me or does her mom need massive amounts of zanax?

Anyway, she winds up getting the information and when she calls her mother to thank her she finds out that there's going to be a party for baby Jace to celebrate his Big Number One. Her mother has the Oh! Decency! to invite Janelle and tells her what time to be there.

Janelle and Keifer show up at the designated time but that's not good enough for the mother from hell. She bitches and complains that Janelle didn't get there early enough. She also bitches and complains about the gift Janelle bought for Jace.. a motorized Spiderman car thing.

I mean, this crazy ass woman went off saying how she wasted her money.. Jace isn't going to remember it.. she should have bought him a silver cup and how SHE didn't get her kids anything for their birthdays or Christmas until they were old enough to crawl over broken glass to kiss her ankles in thanks realize what gifts where.

My GOD woman.. can you cut this girl some slack? I know there's a history.. I know that Janelle will never win daughter of the year.. but there's a reason why your kid is the way she is and I'm willing to bet that you're responsibility falls right out of the grey area.

Thankfully.. THANKFULLY.. Kailyn has a good head on her shoulders. She realizes that there is no relationship anymore with the King of the Douchebags and that she's going to have to do what she needs to do for her and her son. King Douchebag doesn't take the news well.. he tells her she's sending out mixed signals and when she figures out when she's moving, etc. to let him know.

In the meantime, King Douchebag band-aid's things with his poppa and him, Kailyn and the baby are allowed to move back in. The Puppet Masters (King Douchebag's parents) call a "meeting" with them to find out what they're plans are and they didn't look pleased at. all. when Kailyn tells them that she doesn't want a relationship with the King Douchebag because of they don't really get along.

I don't know this for sure, but from the looks on their faces I'm willing to bet that they have the Emergency Custody paper work all filled out and are waiting for the right time to file them to take Baby Isaac.

And this just in .. King Douchebag was arrested over the weekend with his brother for driving under the influence of ".. a controlled and dangerous substance." which, according to reports, was weed.

Guess it was a slow day in cop land .. OR maybe Janelle and Keifer were hiding in the trunk. Did anyone think to look?

Until next time...

Recap: Teen Mom Season 2 (so far)

Disclaimer: I really shouldn't write posts at 4:30am when I've had too much coffee!

So with nothing to do for the last few hours I caught up on all the TM2 episodes and all I got to say is:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

These people need reality CHECKS not reality SHOWS .. and by "checks" I don't mean the ones you can cash at the bank.

Let's start with the ultimate spoiled barbie CHELSEA:

We already know that her baby's daddy is a ballon know... calling the baby "a mistake" .. telling her she's fat and has stretch marks .. blah blah blah. We also know that for some still-unexplained reason, her father agreed to pay her rent and costs of living to move into a house with her best friend Megan WITH the stipulation that she stays in school.

Um... yea...

Because EVERY 18 year old with a baby is going to focus on her school work when she's living by herself with her best friend and only has nothing else to worry about but school.

Great parenting decision there, dad!

So you know what happens.. Life-size barbie ISN'T doing her school work AND falls back under the charms of the balloon-know daddy. Oh! But he's changed! Oh! He needs a place to stay wants to be in his baby's life! Oh! He still wants to be on an MTV show LOVES her!

What does she do? Moves him in, of course.. and because, you know, she's mature enough to know that she has daddy wrapped around her little finger that she doesn't want him to know because he may just cut off her funding. Yea.. like that's going to happen.

Because what does daddy say when he DOES find out that the balloon knot moved in? Does he go off the deep end? Does he tell her to pack her shit and get her ass home? Does he tell her that the United Bank of Dad is closing and there will be no stimulus money to bail her out?

Nope.

He tells her that Balloon Knot is going to have to pitch in on the bills. Tough stuff you do there, dad!

We all know how this is going to play out .. but at this point, she's made her own bed. Let's just hope she doesn't get sperminated again when she lays in it.

One other thing:

Did anybody else find it weird when Megan called Aubree ".. our baby?" .. hmmm.

Ok.. so moving on to LEAH,  her cutie-patootie baby daddy COREY and their twins.

You know the story.. Leah busted up with her long term boyfriend.. hooked up with Corey and within a month or so was pregnant with twins. She cheated on Corey.. He wanted her back.. She didn't want him back.. He cheated on her.. She wanted him back.. He didn't want her back.. and so on and so on. But faced with the fact that there may be something seriously wrong, medically, with one of their babies they got back together and fast tracked their relationship by moving in together like.. 10 minutes after they decided to rekindle.

It may not sound like it.. but I really like these two. Or maybe I just really like Corey and the fact that he's not shying away from being a father. Or maybe I just like their accents. Who the hell knows at this point.

Leah had been living in a trailer with the girls before getting back together with Corey. A fairly nice trailer. I've seen some that were WAY nicer then my house. This wasn't one of them but it was more nice then not. But when they decide to move in together, Corey suggests they get a new place closer to his job.. which meant 45 minutes further from Leah's family and friends.

And can I ask exactly where do they live? I've been trying to rent a new place for the last five months with no luck and here they go looking at a place and the landlady shoves a lease at them and says SIGN HERE!! SIGN HERE!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SIGN HERE!! Really, is it that easy where they live?

On second thought, I take all that back. The trailer they moved into was worse then a dump. Calling it "white trash" would be a HUGE compliment. No wonder the landlady was all ready with the paper work and no credit checks or reference calling.

It really is a shame but look, you have to do what you have to do.. I just don't understand why they couldn't move onto Corey's father's phat property?

And you know.. now Leah is starting to feel caged and she wants to go to nursing school but isn't going to be able to and sounds like she's starting to resent Corey because she does nothing but take care of the babies 24/7 and hearing her mom say that that's what she's suppose to do because Corey is the one providing for the family .. blah blah blah.. You're a momma, Leah. You have no life.. and will have no life until the girls get into school full time. Just accept, girlfriend... and continue to keep that flat iron away from your left side bangs! You're doing good!

There's nothing new regarding the baby's medical issues. She's too young for an MRI just yet.

All righty then.. moving right along to season problem child JANELLE

Ooohhh.. where to begin.. where to begin..

So we know that Janelle was Wild Child Extraordinaire.. never met a party.. bottle or bud that she didn't like. Or man, apparently because now questions have surfaced regarding who actually is the father of her baby Jace. We know that the alleged father is completely out of the picture but send child support.. we know that Janelle gave up custody to her fucking lunatic of a mother temporarily.. and we know that she hooked up with a new boyfriend Keiffer that she subsequently got arrested with not too long ago.

After watching four or five episodes in a row, let me tell you something.. Janelle is the way Janelle is because of her mother. I'm sorry.. I know people make their own choices in life but honestly, I think I would have cold cocked that weird talking mofo a long time ago.

This kid just can't do anything right .. and so she does everything wrong. Her mother CONSTANTLY berates her and tries to control her and yells at her and puts her down at every opportunity. It was hard to watch and I really did feel for her when she broke down after her mother's boyfriend started doing the same thing to her. In tears she told him that her mother never told her she loves her.. never hugs her.. and even though Keiffer was absolutely right when he said that sometimes Janelle brings it on herself, this is a lost, broken girl.

I hope she gets her shit together.. and once she does, I hope she gets Jace back and tells her << insert the worst dirogatory word you can think of here >> mother where to stick it.

Last but certainly not least :: I saved my favorite for last :: is KAILYN

This girl is stuck between a rock and hard place. Like Janelle, she's broken and lost. Unlike Janelle, this girl is a survivor. I just don't think she knows it yet.

Kailyn has a mother who's more interested in her man-of-the-moment then her daughter and grandson. There also must be some drug/alcohol/domestic abuse thing going on because she's repeatedly said that her mother's place isn't safe for baby Isaac. Her father lives down south and doesn't want nothing to do with her. I'm sure if pressed, he'd want to do a DNA test because Kailyn's mother seems like the type where there will always be a question of DNA ..

At any rate.. she hooks up with the King of the Douchebags :: I refuse to say his name :: a his apparently semi-affluent parents agree to have Kailyn live with them. Everybody in that house seemed to treat her like the ugly step sister. It seemed like she always had to walk on eggshells because they held the power to make her homeless and take her kid.

When the Douchebag King didn't want to deal with her anymore and broke up with her.. she was moved to the basement. Feeling alone.. she welcomed the attention of a male co-worker. A simple minded boy but none the less, someone who I guess made her feel good about herself and gave her the chance to get out of the basement and away from the cold glares of the Puppet Masters.

But they all found out about it and jumped on the poor girl's shit and basically said without saying the words that if she wanted a boyfriend, she can go live with him.. that under THEIR roof, she was their prisoner. Of course, she told the dude she couldn't see him anymore.

Then the Douchbag King wanted her back.. of course he did. You always want what you didn't want but somebody else does.. but then things started going haywire with the Puppet Masters and the Douchbag King got kicked out.

Which means that Kailyn got kicked out.

He took the baby to another state to stay with an aunt and told Kailyn that they would move there. She doesn't want to.. her job and her school are both local. He starts jumping down her throat about being selfish and only wanting what she wants.

Listen DOUCHEBAG: YOU have a job... SHE has a job.. BOTH jobs are local. You NEED jobs to afford an apartment .. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE WHERE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A JOB??

After meeting up at a diner to discuss what they needed to do, Kailyn knows that moving in with the King of Douchebags may be a little easier financially.. but isn't going to be good for the baby because of the way they fight.

Like I said.. this girl is a survivor. It's going to be tough on her but she'll end up on her feet.

Review: Teen Mom 2

You know this show, right?

MTV takes the best of the best .. or worst of the worst.. teen mother's from their 16 and Pregnant series and focus' on their lives after their babies are born.

I'm actually inclined to believe that they pick the one's with the most potential for drama (Um, hello? Amber Portwood?) because what's a show without ratings and what makes good ratings?

Right.

So let's meet this seasons's moms:

Leah with twins Aleeah and Arianna
(sorry, don't know which is which in the pic)

LEAH

So Leah and Robbie break up and on the rebound, hooks up with Corey. One month later, she's pregnant with twins. Corey, bless his heart, stands rightbyherside but being young and immature Leah kept wanting to get back with Robbie.

Robbie was like TWINS? HELL NO!!

Leah finally realizes that men don't get no better then Corey and wants him back but the damage is already done and he's moved on .. kinda.. sorta..

Is anyone else disturbed that Leah only flat irons part of her hair?

Sorry.. I digress!

I'll admit that by the end of Leah's 16 and Pregnant episode I felt bad for her. There was something redeeming about her knowing that Corey really did love her.. was sticking by her and his kids.. and had some sense and maturity about her.

We already know that Leah and Corey get married :: oops! Sorry! You mean you DIDN'T know? :: and that there may be something medically wrong with one of their twins so this season, we'll get to follow their road of both relationship bliss smothered by the devastation parents feel with their child is sick.

My fingers are crossed for these two.

And not to be superficial but Corey is cuter then cute!

Chelsea with daughter Aubree

CHELSEA

Out of all the moms, I thought Chelsea had the most support and normalcy at home. Her parents are divorced but they seem to be void of issues and psychotic-ness. Plus, it doesn't appear as though her friends deserted her after she had Aubree.

The baby's daddy, on the other hand, is a douche bag. He's done everything from call Chelsea a "stretch marked bitch" to calling Aubree "a mistake" .. and everything in between.

If he thought that being on the show was going to bring him opportunities or glory, he's as dumb as he looks.

While I do find that Chelsea's father is a font of wisdom "... you liked the idea of being with him" .. I certainly question his judgment of allowing his 18 year old daughter and 9 month old granddaughter moving into their own place that he's financing. But I guess the show wouldn't be a show with a functional family handling the situation in a mature way.

At any rate.. this season expect to see Chelsea's struggle living on her own (well, with a friend) and the previews of the season show that maybe Chelsea didn't learn what she needed to learn about Adam.

Kailyn and baby Isaac
I smudged out the baby's King of Douchebag father
because I really, REALLY can't stomach him

KAILYN

If Chelsea's family is the picture of stability, Kailyn's is the polar opposite.

I really feel for this kid .. and not because she doesn't live far from me.. I feel for her because this is a kid that really doesn't have anywhere to go and no one to help her with anything.

Except the King of the Douchebag's parents.. who absolutely have their grandson at the top of their priority list.

Kailyn's mother is more interested in her current man and every hope that this kid had that her biological father would some how step up to the plate after years of no contact were dashed on a visit where he barely did anything except get up and open the front door to her. So is it no wonder that this girl was looking for love in on the wrong places?

For as supportive as his parent's are, the King of Douchebags is anything but. He's spoiled, verbally abuse and worse.. knows that Kailyn not only has no one ELSE to go to but his parents but no WHERE to go. And believe, me exploits that at every turn.

The King of Douchebags tells Kailyn that he's done with her and when she asks where she's suppose to go, he says, ".. your mother's I guess." knowing that that isn't likely. When she told her mother that the King of Douchebags broke up with her, the mother is sympathetic but never offers to either help her or give her and the baby a place to stay.

Like I said, I feel for this kid.

This season, there's even more trouble with the King of the Douchebags and what appears to be some type of domestic violence that brings the cops to the house. Something tells me that Kailyn won't be living in that house long...

Jenelle and baby Jace

JANELLE

You know, every article I ever read about reality shows says the same thing.. you get so used to cameras being around that you don't even realize they're there anymore.

That HAS to be true because what other excuse would Jenelle have for acting the way she did in the season opener?

I mean.. really. Do you NOT know ANYTHING about Amber Portwood and her current legal issues, Janelle?

Janelle is a bitch. No two ways about it. She lives with her single mother who has some weird ass speech impediment that makes her sound goofy. Come to think of it, she may have something wrong with her hearing that makes her sound that way.

Great. Now I feel horrible for getting annoyed with her speech impediment!

Anyway.. it's obvious that her mother has lost control of Jenelle a long, long time ago because if she hadn't, she wouldn't tolerate the way her daughter speaks to her. When she got pregnant, her mother told her the partying was going to have to stop and that she wasn't going to put up with Janelle, her attitude and her partying.

Yea. Right.

So baby Jace is born and what does Janelle do? Not care for her child, that's for sure. You don't give a baby a bath.. put him to sleep and then take off for the night with your friends. But that's exactly what she's doing and that's exactly what is getting under her mother's skin.

From what's been shown so far in the opener, Janelle's mother is almost caring for the baby full time and because Janelle hasn't shown any level of maturity up until then, she has little confidence in Janelle's ability to care for her child.

Which doesn't sit well with Janelle.

There was a lot of verbal abuse and some physical abuse against the mother in the opener which concluded in her mother filing for custody of Jace.

It's obvious that this little girl lost is into more then just downing the occasional long neck.

Seems as though Janelle's anger and bravado is a little chemically fueled if you ask me.

Janelle has recently been arrested for breaking and entering into an abandoned house and for having about an ounce of weed in her possession.

Nice role model for Jace, Mama...

This season expect to see Janelle continue to act out and really need to get her ass kicked by someone who can knock some sense into her. This girl needs it.

Hopefully we won't see baby Jace starring in an episode of INMATES in 20 years!

So there you have it.. I'm not sure if I'm going to commit to doing weekly recaps or not. This isn't something I make a habit of watching but do catch up on the episodes On Demand if I'm up late enough and television is boring enough so you never know. It just may be that compelling!!