Recap: Teen Mom Season 2 (catching up)

Oh man.

If these four aren't the poster children for abstinence OR protection, then I'm at a lost.

At least Leah and Corey are redeeming themselves. Since I last posted, they've become engaged and still dealing with baby Ali's health issues.

Thankfully, Ali's MRI has come back clean but her pediatrician .. who, excuse me, belongs in some kind of horror movie or something .. but suggests she see a geneticists. She also needs to wear glasses.. which are adorable.. but how exactly does one perform an eye exam on a baby?

The couple is in redneck heaven and I'm glad to have the opportunity to watch them come back together and do the right thing for their family. They've both matured a lot .. and how cute was the family picture they took all dressed in camo?? So West Virginia!! LoL!

Ok.. so let's move on to Chelsea. I want to say that she made her bed and now she has to lie in it but, really. Have you SEEN her house? Does she EVER make a bed, do a dish or put clothes away?? So best friend Megan moves out because of Adam, the balloon knot father.. Chelsea's father wants him to pay rent .. Chelsea wants him to be superdad / superpartner .. and all the balloon know wants to do is what he's been doing which is getting his face on MTV.

Sorry, but while Chelsea is an idiot .. her father is the biggest fool. Because trust me on this one, if she was MY kid you can be damn sure things would be a LOT different.

So nothing has really changed for Chelsea except in the last episode, the balloon knot decided that he couldn't deal with her bitching and booked out.

Give up the fantasy, girl .. go back home.. finish getting your GED and get your tail in beauty school. Maybe then you'll be able to do something with that hair!!

Poor Kailyn wants to have it all .. and at least she has the ambition to try and get it. She's going to school, she's working too jobs, she finally made it clear to The Douchebag that not only did she not want to move in with him but didn't want a relationship period and she started dating the guy from work that she initially broke up with because The Douchebag's Puppet Master parents wouldn't allow her to continue living in their home if she dated someone other then her control freak son.

She tried to keep the new boyfriend a secret but you know, I can imagine she felt held down and confined. The Puppet Master Mother kept pushing her to give The Douchebag another chance and it didn't seem that anything Kailyn said about how she felt made a dent.

Fortunately, Kailyn was able to move out and stay at her mother's but she didn't get her or the baby's things out of The Puppet Master's house. Bad move. If I were here, I would have started taking things out little by little and THEN told them all where they needed to go.. but as it stands now, The Douchebag has the baby and her things and won't give her neither because she owes him money for her college tuition.

Kailyn's mom tried to get them for her but wound up having to call the police. Now, I watch A LOT of Judge Judy so I can tell you that what the police SHOULD have done is told him to give her stuff back and then take her to civil court for the money. I'm familiar with where Kailyn and The Douchebag live and I can tell you beyond certainty that the Nazareth Police Dept saw The Puppet Master's big house, gorgeous house and Kailyn's crazy mother and were like,, yea... we're not getting on their bad side because they probably donate a LOT of money.. so they basically tell The Douchebag what HE needs to do to make sure he gets custody of the baby.

There was a local news story in mid-February about Kailyn getting into a car accident when she was picking up the baby from daycare so apparently, she and The Douchebag worked out a custody arrangement. Since the baby is in daycare, I'm going to assume that K is still going to school, working her ass off and living on her own.

Last but not least we have Janelle and all the dysfunction that comes with her mother and her boyfriend. I really think Janelle is just lost. There seems to be a lot of history that hasn't been delved into regarding her mother and some male abandonment issues that she hasn't resolved yet... why else would she be so hell bent on sticking with KEIFER??

So with Jace in the custody of her mother, Janelle and Keifer got thrown out of her friends  house.. then were living at one of his friends summer place.. and when kicked out of there. The plan then was to use her student loan money to move to another town close to school, get an apartment and both get jobs. Janelle got a job but Keifer.. with is no-hs-diploma, no-ged and no-ambition ass couldn't find one. Not that I think he looked to hard, mind you. I keep going back to the conversation he had with Janelle's mother where he said that he was this awesome cook and could get a job anytime.

Well, mofo?? What's the dealio? Guess "anytime" doesn't apply to NOW, huh?

That plan falling through,  her mother agreed to them both staying there. Personally, I wouldn't have let him stay at my house but you know, I think Janelle needs to recognize that her mother did something she didn't have to do. But that was short lived because they got snagged smoking a bone in front of the house. Keifer was out but Janelle, with no where to go had to stay at her mother's.

The shit hit the fan.. again.. when Janelle drove Jace up to the store to get milk. Her mother saw the car seat still in her car and freaked the hell out.

Now, I'm no fan of the mother. But given Janelle's history, I could understand her getting bent out of shape with Janelle taking the baby somewhere in the car. Especially since her mother knows that Janelle is MORE then 420 friendly. Janelle keeps whining that SHE is Jace's mother. No girlfriend, you signed away guardianship.. regardless of whether it's temporary or not.

She runs to Keifer.. who she hasn't seen for three.. long... days... and both decide to drive up to New Jersey. She lies to her mother and tells her that she is going to a concert in Myrtle Beach for a few days. In fact, she was going to sneak out of the house with her stuff but her mother caught her. If she didn't, when was she going to find out?

Janelle? You know, I do have some empathy for you but you're going through that quick. You want your son, then you need to suck it up and prove your mother wrong. You want a man in your life? You have one.. his name is Jace and sorry, but it should break your  heart more then mine when he stares out the screen door watching you leave.

And do you REALLY think that using your mother's credit card on your Jersey excertion wasn't going to go unnoticed??

Things were going well until

Recap: Teen Mom S2E6 - Taking Sides

My GAWD.. should I just dig out my eyeballs now and save myself from watching Chelsea being an idiot?

Yea.. yea.. I know it's my choice to watch or not to watch but this chick is like a car crash. You can't help BUT watch.

Her father needs a swift slap upside the head to.. let my kid talk to me the way she talks to him when I'm the one footing the bill for everything and and we'll see how mouthy they are.
At any rate .. so Chelsea moves her baby's daddy (here in referred to as the "Balloon Knot") in the house her father is paying for. Her best-friend Megan.. who's stuck by Chelsea's side when the baby's daddy was being a major dick.. is also living there rent free.

Chelsea loves the Balloon Knot.. Megan hates the Balloon Knot .. the Balloon Knot doesn't want Megan living in the house HE DOESN'T PAY FOR all the while whining that he has to pay child support.

Well.. maybe next time he'll invest 3 bucks for a condom.

You know what happens, right? The Balloon Knot and Megan go at it and she winds up leaving while Chelsea whines more then a Napa Valley vineyard. Chelsea calls her father but like, really? What the hell do you think HE's going to except tell The Balloon Knot that he has to pay rent.

And while I'm watching this all play out I'm thinking to my self, "... good Lord they bred!"

Leah and Corey are getting boring with their all lovey-dovey selves. The only thing worth noting in this episode is that baby Ali is still too young for an MRI but a therapist is coming over to do exercises with the baby to help her develop. The lovey-dovey couple have a conversation about communicating better and their all happy and lovey dovey and Corey goes and buys Leah an engagement ring.

Insert heart flutter < here >

Janelle's little bad ass self and her BF Keifer have been staying in a friend's run down meth lab trailer since she got thrown out. She still having issues with getting financial aid because she up and gave up custody of her son so now she needs her mother's financial information ..

Is it me or does her mom need massive amounts of zanax?

Anyway, she winds up getting the information and when she calls her mother to thank her she finds out that there's going to be a party for baby Jace to celebrate his Big Number One. Her mother has the Oh! Decency! to invite Janelle and tells her what time to be there.

Janelle and Keifer show up at the designated time but that's not good enough for the mother from hell. She bitches and complains that Janelle didn't get there early enough. She also bitches and complains about the gift Janelle bought for Jace.. a motorized Spiderman car thing.

I mean, this crazy ass woman went off saying how she wasted her money.. Jace isn't going to remember it.. she should have bought him a silver cup and how SHE didn't get her kids anything for their birthdays or Christmas until they were old enough to crawl over broken glass to kiss her ankles in thanks realize what gifts where.

My GOD woman.. can you cut this girl some slack? I know there's a history.. I know that Janelle will never win daughter of the year.. but there's a reason why your kid is the way she is and I'm willing to bet that you're responsibility falls right out of the grey area.

Thankfully.. THANKFULLY.. Kailyn has a good head on her shoulders. She realizes that there is no relationship anymore with the King of the Douchebags and that she's going to have to do what she needs to do for her and her son. King Douchebag doesn't take the news well.. he tells her she's sending out mixed signals and when she figures out when she's moving, etc. to let him know.

In the meantime, King Douchebag band-aid's things with his poppa and him, Kailyn and the baby are allowed to move back in. The Puppet Masters (King Douchebag's parents) call a "meeting" with them to find out what they're plans are and they didn't look pleased at. all. when Kailyn tells them that she doesn't want a relationship with the King Douchebag because of they don't really get along.

I don't know this for sure, but from the looks on their faces I'm willing to bet that they have the Emergency Custody paper work all filled out and are waiting for the right time to file them to take Baby Isaac.

And this just in .. King Douchebag was arrested over the weekend with his brother for driving under the influence of ".. a controlled and dangerous substance." which, according to reports, was weed.

Guess it was a slow day in cop land .. OR maybe Janelle and Keifer were hiding in the trunk. Did anyone think to look?

Until next time...

Recap: Teen Mom Season 2 (so far)

Disclaimer: I really shouldn't write posts at 4:30am when I've had too much coffee!

So with nothing to do for the last few hours I caught up on all the TM2 episodes and all I got to say is:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

These people need reality CHECKS not reality SHOWS .. and by "checks" I don't mean the ones you can cash at the bank.

Let's start with the ultimate spoiled barbie CHELSEA:

We already know that her baby's daddy is a ballon know... calling the baby "a mistake" .. telling her she's fat and has stretch marks .. blah blah blah. We also know that for some still-unexplained reason, her father agreed to pay her rent and costs of living to move into a house with her best friend Megan WITH the stipulation that she stays in school.

Um... yea...

Because EVERY 18 year old with a baby is going to focus on her school work when she's living by herself with her best friend and only has nothing else to worry about but school.

Great parenting decision there, dad!

So you know what happens.. Life-size barbie ISN'T doing her school work AND falls back under the charms of the balloon-know daddy. Oh! But he's changed! Oh! He needs a place to stay wants to be in his baby's life! Oh! He still wants to be on an MTV show LOVES her!

What does she do? Moves him in, of course.. and because, you know, she's mature enough to know that she has daddy wrapped around her little finger that she doesn't want him to know because he may just cut off her funding. Yea.. like that's going to happen.

Because what does daddy say when he DOES find out that the balloon knot moved in? Does he go off the deep end? Does he tell her to pack her shit and get her ass home? Does he tell her that the United Bank of Dad is closing and there will be no stimulus money to bail her out?

Nope.

He tells her that Balloon Knot is going to have to pitch in on the bills. Tough stuff you do there, dad!

We all know how this is going to play out .. but at this point, she's made her own bed. Let's just hope she doesn't get sperminated again when she lays in it.

One other thing:

Did anybody else find it weird when Megan called Aubree ".. our baby?" .. hmmm.

Ok.. so moving on to LEAH,  her cutie-patootie baby daddy COREY and their twins.

You know the story.. Leah busted up with her long term boyfriend.. hooked up with Corey and within a month or so was pregnant with twins. She cheated on Corey.. He wanted her back.. She didn't want him back.. He cheated on her.. She wanted him back.. He didn't want her back.. and so on and so on. But faced with the fact that there may be something seriously wrong, medically, with one of their babies they got back together and fast tracked their relationship by moving in together like.. 10 minutes after they decided to rekindle.

It may not sound like it.. but I really like these two. Or maybe I just really like Corey and the fact that he's not shying away from being a father. Or maybe I just like their accents. Who the hell knows at this point.

Leah had been living in a trailer with the girls before getting back together with Corey. A fairly nice trailer. I've seen some that were WAY nicer then my house. This wasn't one of them but it was more nice then not. But when they decide to move in together, Corey suggests they get a new place closer to his job.. which meant 45 minutes further from Leah's family and friends.

And can I ask exactly where do they live? I've been trying to rent a new place for the last five months with no luck and here they go looking at a place and the landlady shoves a lease at them and says SIGN HERE!! SIGN HERE!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SIGN HERE!! Really, is it that easy where they live?

On second thought, I take all that back. The trailer they moved into was worse then a dump. Calling it "white trash" would be a HUGE compliment. No wonder the landlady was all ready with the paper work and no credit checks or reference calling.

It really is a shame but look, you have to do what you have to do.. I just don't understand why they couldn't move onto Corey's father's phat property?

And you know.. now Leah is starting to feel caged and she wants to go to nursing school but isn't going to be able to and sounds like she's starting to resent Corey because she does nothing but take care of the babies 24/7 and hearing her mom say that that's what she's suppose to do because Corey is the one providing for the family .. blah blah blah.. You're a momma, Leah. You have no life.. and will have no life until the girls get into school full time. Just accept, girlfriend... and continue to keep that flat iron away from your left side bangs! You're doing good!

There's nothing new regarding the baby's medical issues. She's too young for an MRI just yet.

All righty then.. moving right along to season problem child JANELLE

Ooohhh.. where to begin.. where to begin..

So we know that Janelle was Wild Child Extraordinaire.. never met a party.. bottle or bud that she didn't like. Or man, apparently because now questions have surfaced regarding who actually is the father of her baby Jace. We know that the alleged father is completely out of the picture but send child support.. we know that Janelle gave up custody to her fucking lunatic of a mother temporarily.. and we know that she hooked up with a new boyfriend Keiffer that she subsequently got arrested with not too long ago.

After watching four or five episodes in a row, let me tell you something.. Janelle is the way Janelle is because of her mother. I'm sorry.. I know people make their own choices in life but honestly, I think I would have cold cocked that weird talking mofo a long time ago.

This kid just can't do anything right .. and so she does everything wrong. Her mother CONSTANTLY berates her and tries to control her and yells at her and puts her down at every opportunity. It was hard to watch and I really did feel for her when she broke down after her mother's boyfriend started doing the same thing to her. In tears she told him that her mother never told her she loves her.. never hugs her.. and even though Keiffer was absolutely right when he said that sometimes Janelle brings it on herself, this is a lost, broken girl.

I hope she gets her shit together.. and once she does, I hope she gets Jace back and tells her << insert the worst dirogatory word you can think of here >> mother where to stick it.

Last but certainly not least :: I saved my favorite for last :: is KAILYN

This girl is stuck between a rock and hard place. Like Janelle, she's broken and lost. Unlike Janelle, this girl is a survivor. I just don't think she knows it yet.

Kailyn has a mother who's more interested in her man-of-the-moment then her daughter and grandson. There also must be some drug/alcohol/domestic abuse thing going on because she's repeatedly said that her mother's place isn't safe for baby Isaac. Her father lives down south and doesn't want nothing to do with her. I'm sure if pressed, he'd want to do a DNA test because Kailyn's mother seems like the type where there will always be a question of DNA ..

At any rate.. she hooks up with the King of the Douchebags :: I refuse to say his name :: a his apparently semi-affluent parents agree to have Kailyn live with them. Everybody in that house seemed to treat her like the ugly step sister. It seemed like she always had to walk on eggshells because they held the power to make her homeless and take her kid.

When the Douchebag King didn't want to deal with her anymore and broke up with her.. she was moved to the basement. Feeling alone.. she welcomed the attention of a male co-worker. A simple minded boy but none the less, someone who I guess made her feel good about herself and gave her the chance to get out of the basement and away from the cold glares of the Puppet Masters.

But they all found out about it and jumped on the poor girl's shit and basically said without saying the words that if she wanted a boyfriend, she can go live with him.. that under THEIR roof, she was their prisoner. Of course, she told the dude she couldn't see him anymore.

Then the Douchbag King wanted her back.. of course he did. You always want what you didn't want but somebody else does.. but then things started going haywire with the Puppet Masters and the Douchbag King got kicked out.

Which means that Kailyn got kicked out.

He took the baby to another state to stay with an aunt and told Kailyn that they would move there. She doesn't want to.. her job and her school are both local. He starts jumping down her throat about being selfish and only wanting what she wants.

Listen DOUCHEBAG: YOU have a job... SHE has a job.. BOTH jobs are local. You NEED jobs to afford an apartment .. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE WHERE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A JOB??

After meeting up at a diner to discuss what they needed to do, Kailyn knows that moving in with the King of Douchebags may be a little easier financially.. but isn't going to be good for the baby because of the way they fight.

Like I said.. this girl is a survivor. It's going to be tough on her but she'll end up on her feet.

Recap: Teen Mom Season 2

Who would have thought that MTV's 16 and Pregnant would have been so successful that they created a spin off, Teen Mom.

Who would have thought that THAT would have been so successful that they filmed a second season?

Possibly a third but the jury is still out on it.. I've heard yes.. I've heard no.. but considering that there is at least 1 baby out there in desperate need of proper care, then I can't imagine the mom's not wanting the bank from MTV.

At any rate, this is one of those shows that you can't help but watch. Young girls should watch it to take the romance out of having a baby .. young boys should watch it to educate them that a rubber is ALOT cheaper then a baby.. and people my age watch it because it's almost like a train wreck.

MACI

Maci is probably the only mom that has her shit together. Her son, Bentley, couldn't be more adorable.. couldn't be more loved.. couldn't have a mom that is taking her job seriously and knows that her decisions are about HIM .. not HER.

Bentley's father, Ryan, is your typical teen age father. Although once engaged, Ryan continued being the typical teen age father and hung out with his friends, went to clubs, etc. Macy broke the engagement and after a serious merry go round of make-up / break-up Maci finally moved on. This season found her in transition.

Living with her parents but feeling at times that they were a little TOO involved.. reconnecting with a childhood friend (Kyle) that formed into more then just a friendship, Maci decided to make a bold move and relocated two hours away from her hometown.

Of course, Ryan wasn't thrilled with that and with prompting from his girlfriend and parents, petitioned for a formal visitation schedule. Maci took that as a slap in the face and I don't blame her. Here's a kid who never wanted to be bothered and now, all of a sudden, he wants to be Father Of The Year?

As Maci said, ".. I want to keep you away from him but I can't keep him away from  you". See? Girlfriend got her shit together.

Regardless of what Maci told herself, everyone knew that she moved away from her hometown to be closer to Kyle. And of course, in true Teen Mom fashion, Kyle got over whelmed over the course of two episodes and booked. Brave Maci decided NOT to eat crow and stayed where she was determined to make her life.

As for Ryan and visitation.. turned out that he did wind up getting an extra day more then they originally agreed to and even though one would think ".. it's only ONE night every TWO WEEKS" .. the tears that welled up in Maci's eyes really made your heart ache for her. She loves that little boy above all else and it's a shame that every child isn't loved that way!

I haven't caught the Reunion Show yet (damn MTV.com!) so that'll have to come at a later date but I have a feeling that Kyle came back to his senses!

CATELYNN AND TYLER

Now THESE two have REALLY got their shit together.. I mean REALLY GOT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER.

Catelynn and Tyler are childhood sweethearts with a LONG list of dysfunction.

Tyler's dad has been in and out of jail for the majority of his son's life and Catelynn's mom, apparently, has issues that resulted in her moving her kids like fourteen times or something.

So is it even a surprise that Tyler's dad married Catelynn's mom?

They're actually a reality show all unto themselves..

Anyway.. so not wanting to bring a baby into this reality show in the making, Catelynn and Tyler decided to put their baby girl up for adoption. And to their credit, they were very open about why to their parents. Which, you know went over REAL big.

These two have been taking a lot of crap from their parents about their decision.. sometimes to the point where I wanted to slap her momma upside her head  myself. It's SO obvious to even the weekend arm chair psychiatrist that Catelynn and Tyler's parents objected so strongly because they know their kids know that they suck as parents.

At any rate, this season dealt with the adoption aftermath and even though they knew they did the right thing.. even though they have an open adoption that allows them to be included in their daughters life to some degree and even though this baby couldn't have better adoptive parents . it still hurts. There's still a void. And given that MOST teens keep their babies because they crave that unconditional love they're not getting, these two put that aside for their child.

The highlight of the season was them meeting their daughter for the first time since giving her up and let me tell you, I must have gone through a box of tissues. These two are going to be GREAT parents when they're ready.. and most importantly, they KNOW they have to be ready. As Tyler said, their daughter made them want to have goals and be successful. Catelynn wants to go into nursing and Tyler wants to be an EMT, I think. I have no worries about these two.

FARRAH

Farrah THINKS she has her shit together but let me tell you, this girl needs to rein it in a little. Well, a lot. You just get the feeling that she grew up thinking that she was an uber-princess and that everybody needed to fall in line behind her and when she doesn't get her way, she stomps her feet hard enough to make her tiara crooked.

Last season, Farrah came off as a spoiled brat but this season, she's only a little better. She doesn't really GET it .. not in a way that doesn't get her into an argument with her mother that lands the mother in jail. But it became evident that she was cracking under the pressure this year.. especially when opening up about the death of her baby Sophia's father.

This is the girl that HAS to have things go HER way or else she can't handle it. But it's sad because her mother IS overbearing and apparently force Farrah to make some decisions regarding her pregnancy that are questionable at best.

But it is what it is and this season found Farrah moving into her own apartment.. working.. trying to finish school and take care of Sophia. We saw her get ripped off in a car scam, get into therapy, start mending fences with her parents and reconnecting with her daughter's father's family. Yes, she needed a to get a DNA test in order for Sophia to get her father's death benefits but still..

Alot has been said about Farrah leaving Sophia outside her apartment when they were moving in and leaving her unattended in the sink during bath time but you know, let's be real. Every parent has had moments where they did something stupid and if they could do a re-wind, would do things differently. Am I excusing it? Hell no.. but I'm not going to beat her over the head about it. There are MANY things to beat her over the head with already,

Farrah is tragic. She wants everybody to think that everything is just fine when in actuality, it's crumbling around her.

AMBER

Amber has NO IDEA what having your shit together means and unfortunately, her daughter Lea is suffering the fall out.

She's on film punching and kicking her baby's daddy multiple times and now the state she  lives in is investigating. From what I understand, punching and kicking the other parent in front of a child under the age of 14 gets you in SERIOUS trouble.

She's the anti-Catelynn and Tyler and wears her White Trash Sash with pride. Lea's father, Gary, is in his early 20's with a mentally of a kid but I have to give him credit.. he never once retaliated and seemed to only have Lea's best interest at heart.

Amber is the cliched 'kid raising a kid' .. her apartment is always a mess, seemingly worried more about how she looks as opposed to how her daughter looks and even moved a new boyfriend in and allowed to care for her daughter. I have to give Gary props on this one. He didn't want the new dude dressing Lea or changing her diaper and with things in the world they way they are, I'd have the same concerns.

The sad thing about Amber is that she's just continuing the cycle she grew up in and even though she says she wants to get her GED and make a better life for her daughter, I don't necessarily think she has the right support to do that.

There's been rumors that her drastic slim-down was the result of drugs and not the martial arts class she's been taking but that's neither confirmed or denied so I'm just putting it out there.