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| Patti Stanger IS The Millionaire Matchmaker! |
I don't know why I watch this show. Pure entertainment value or mindless background noise?
That's too harsh.
I mainly watch the show because of Patti Stanger.. I swiped the picture on the left of the 'net but apparently she's either had some work done.. or something.. because I remember her looking different on the show.
Anyway.. if you don't know the drivel of the show, Patti is a 3rd generation match maker with a HIGH success rate,
NOTE: I used to remember when the opening line was "99% success" rate but since the majority of the people she tried hooking up on the show didn't work out, I guess it was better not to set herself up... or maybe she just got hit with all the 1%ers.
I like Patti .. she tells it like it is and comes out with these one liners that are hysterical. She also can't be intimidated so when these mega rich people who can't survive the day without getting fawned over with palm leaves and eating peeled grapes are literally shoved off their high horse by Patti it's hysterical.
This season, the crew is in New York and the first two clients are some dude who did something with the internet and some chick who did something with the internet.
Ok... so this has nothing to do with anything but I thought it was weird that there was a 40-something year old Italian dude from New York named Derek. No big deal.. just having my say.
Anyway so Derek is the typical 40-something man with a lot of money who wants life-size Barbie on his arm. He says he wants to settle down and have kids.. be with a girl his mother approves of (I stuck that in).. and so far he hasn't been able to find it.
Um... DUH!!
He's very much the little boy that never grew up and believe me, I know ALL about Italian men who never grew up.
Too much even!
This chick (actually, this is a VERY good picture of her) is in her mid twenties and OBVIOUSLY grew up believing she was a princess.
She grew up with money, has a baby and also has this internet thing that gives her plenty of her own bank.
NOTE: Can something like that happen to me please?
Anyway, so for some reason this chick wants to meet someone because she's SOOOOOOO pretentious.
Best line of the night was when Patti was reviewing her tape and she says that she wants someone who looks like George Clooney only Jewish. Patti busts out with "... because YOU'RE so good looking SNOZOLA!"
So the way this happens is that Patti holds a "mixer" and the her clients pick two people they might want to date. Then they meet with those picks for a few minutes and then choose their main date.
Patti tells Derek that he has to make a list of deal breakers. As she said, "... if you want kids and she doesn't want kids, you close the penis off, put it back in it's zippered pocket and get the fuck out of dodge".
She tells Bryce that she needs to take the stick out of her ass and lighten up and let loose. Personally, I don't think it's a stick that's put this chick's ass.
So the mixer happens and Derek picks a hot, young stripper girl named Colby instead of Patti's fave Kristin who is really everything that Derek says he wants.
Bryce isn't hitting it off with anyone and when pressed by Patti, she tells her that Patti is the expert and if she knows so much that SHE should pick. Pattie tells her that she's not in her vagina and to hit the pavement but of course, she doesn't and Patti introduces her to Keith, a teacher and some other dude who's a comedian. I don't think Bryce said three words the whole night but ultimately Patti forces her to do the mini-dates and in the end she reluctantly picks Keith for the main date.
To his credit, Keith tried SO HARD to make the date work. SO HARD that I think he's going to be a little embarrassed to know that Bryce didn't actually pick him. He took her on a boat ride in the afternoon and then set up dinner inside a the museum where Carrie and Mr. Big were suppose to get married in the Sex and the City movie. Again, no talking. It was brutal to watch.
On the flip side, Derek showered Colby with gifts and dresses and jewelery because you know, nightclub hostess (cough cough) are very, very impressed with men almost 20 years older who buys them stuff on their first date. And of course, at the end of the night she was all amped to go out partying and dancing and Derek was ready for a warm glass of milk and a snuggie.
Derek realized that Patti was and he was wrong but he never did contact Kristin .. a woman who he probably would have had married and knocked up by now and Bryce.. well.. Bryce is still trying to learn to sit up straight without having the stick tear her sphincter!
I have episode 2 on DVR so I'm going to watch it now and will give you a recap shortly
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