Recap: Teen Mom Season 2 (catching up)

Oh man.

If these four aren't the poster children for abstinence OR protection, then I'm at a lost.

At least Leah and Corey are redeeming themselves. Since I last posted, they've become engaged and still dealing with baby Ali's health issues.

Thankfully, Ali's MRI has come back clean but her pediatrician .. who, excuse me, belongs in some kind of horror movie or something .. but suggests she see a geneticists. She also needs to wear glasses.. which are adorable.. but how exactly does one perform an eye exam on a baby?

The couple is in redneck heaven and I'm glad to have the opportunity to watch them come back together and do the right thing for their family. They've both matured a lot .. and how cute was the family picture they took all dressed in camo?? So West Virginia!! LoL!

Ok.. so let's move on to Chelsea. I want to say that she made her bed and now she has to lie in it but, really. Have you SEEN her house? Does she EVER make a bed, do a dish or put clothes away?? So best friend Megan moves out because of Adam, the balloon knot father.. Chelsea's father wants him to pay rent .. Chelsea wants him to be superdad / superpartner .. and all the balloon know wants to do is what he's been doing which is getting his face on MTV.

Sorry, but while Chelsea is an idiot .. her father is the biggest fool. Because trust me on this one, if she was MY kid you can be damn sure things would be a LOT different.

So nothing has really changed for Chelsea except in the last episode, the balloon knot decided that he couldn't deal with her bitching and booked out.

Give up the fantasy, girl .. go back home.. finish getting your GED and get your tail in beauty school. Maybe then you'll be able to do something with that hair!!

Poor Kailyn wants to have it all .. and at least she has the ambition to try and get it. She's going to school, she's working too jobs, she finally made it clear to The Douchebag that not only did she not want to move in with him but didn't want a relationship period and she started dating the guy from work that she initially broke up with because The Douchebag's Puppet Master parents wouldn't allow her to continue living in their home if she dated someone other then her control freak son.

She tried to keep the new boyfriend a secret but you know, I can imagine she felt held down and confined. The Puppet Master Mother kept pushing her to give The Douchebag another chance and it didn't seem that anything Kailyn said about how she felt made a dent.

Fortunately, Kailyn was able to move out and stay at her mother's but she didn't get her or the baby's things out of The Puppet Master's house. Bad move. If I were here, I would have started taking things out little by little and THEN told them all where they needed to go.. but as it stands now, The Douchebag has the baby and her things and won't give her neither because she owes him money for her college tuition.

Kailyn's mom tried to get them for her but wound up having to call the police. Now, I watch A LOT of Judge Judy so I can tell you that what the police SHOULD have done is told him to give her stuff back and then take her to civil court for the money. I'm familiar with where Kailyn and The Douchebag live and I can tell you beyond certainty that the Nazareth Police Dept saw The Puppet Master's big house, gorgeous house and Kailyn's crazy mother and were like,, yea... we're not getting on their bad side because they probably donate a LOT of money.. so they basically tell The Douchebag what HE needs to do to make sure he gets custody of the baby.

There was a local news story in mid-February about Kailyn getting into a car accident when she was picking up the baby from daycare so apparently, she and The Douchebag worked out a custody arrangement. Since the baby is in daycare, I'm going to assume that K is still going to school, working her ass off and living on her own.

Last but not least we have Janelle and all the dysfunction that comes with her mother and her boyfriend. I really think Janelle is just lost. There seems to be a lot of history that hasn't been delved into regarding her mother and some male abandonment issues that she hasn't resolved yet... why else would she be so hell bent on sticking with KEIFER??

So with Jace in the custody of her mother, Janelle and Keifer got thrown out of her friends  house.. then were living at one of his friends summer place.. and when kicked out of there. The plan then was to use her student loan money to move to another town close to school, get an apartment and both get jobs. Janelle got a job but Keifer.. with is no-hs-diploma, no-ged and no-ambition ass couldn't find one. Not that I think he looked to hard, mind you. I keep going back to the conversation he had with Janelle's mother where he said that he was this awesome cook and could get a job anytime.

Well, mofo?? What's the dealio? Guess "anytime" doesn't apply to NOW, huh?

That plan falling through,  her mother agreed to them both staying there. Personally, I wouldn't have let him stay at my house but you know, I think Janelle needs to recognize that her mother did something she didn't have to do. But that was short lived because they got snagged smoking a bone in front of the house. Keifer was out but Janelle, with no where to go had to stay at her mother's.

The shit hit the fan.. again.. when Janelle drove Jace up to the store to get milk. Her mother saw the car seat still in her car and freaked the hell out.

Now, I'm no fan of the mother. But given Janelle's history, I could understand her getting bent out of shape with Janelle taking the baby somewhere in the car. Especially since her mother knows that Janelle is MORE then 420 friendly. Janelle keeps whining that SHE is Jace's mother. No girlfriend, you signed away guardianship.. regardless of whether it's temporary or not.

She runs to Keifer.. who she hasn't seen for three.. long... days... and both decide to drive up to New Jersey. She lies to her mother and tells her that she is going to a concert in Myrtle Beach for a few days. In fact, she was going to sneak out of the house with her stuff but her mother caught her. If she didn't, when was she going to find out?

Janelle? You know, I do have some empathy for you but you're going through that quick. You want your son, then you need to suck it up and prove your mother wrong. You want a man in your life? You have one.. his name is Jace and sorry, but it should break your  heart more then mine when he stares out the screen door watching you leave.

And do you REALLY think that using your mother's credit card on your Jersey excertion wasn't going to go unnoticed??

Things were going well until

Recap: Teen Mom S2E6 - Taking Sides

My GAWD.. should I just dig out my eyeballs now and save myself from watching Chelsea being an idiot?

Yea.. yea.. I know it's my choice to watch or not to watch but this chick is like a car crash. You can't help BUT watch.

Her father needs a swift slap upside the head to.. let my kid talk to me the way she talks to him when I'm the one footing the bill for everything and and we'll see how mouthy they are.
At any rate .. so Chelsea moves her baby's daddy (here in referred to as the "Balloon Knot") in the house her father is paying for. Her best-friend Megan.. who's stuck by Chelsea's side when the baby's daddy was being a major dick.. is also living there rent free.

Chelsea loves the Balloon Knot.. Megan hates the Balloon Knot .. the Balloon Knot doesn't want Megan living in the house HE DOESN'T PAY FOR all the while whining that he has to pay child support.

Well.. maybe next time he'll invest 3 bucks for a condom.

You know what happens, right? The Balloon Knot and Megan go at it and she winds up leaving while Chelsea whines more then a Napa Valley vineyard. Chelsea calls her father but like, really? What the hell do you think HE's going to except tell The Balloon Knot that he has to pay rent.

And while I'm watching this all play out I'm thinking to my self, "... good Lord they bred!"

Leah and Corey are getting boring with their all lovey-dovey selves. The only thing worth noting in this episode is that baby Ali is still too young for an MRI but a therapist is coming over to do exercises with the baby to help her develop. The lovey-dovey couple have a conversation about communicating better and their all happy and lovey dovey and Corey goes and buys Leah an engagement ring.

Insert heart flutter < here >

Janelle's little bad ass self and her BF Keifer have been staying in a friend's run down meth lab trailer since she got thrown out. She still having issues with getting financial aid because she up and gave up custody of her son so now she needs her mother's financial information ..

Is it me or does her mom need massive amounts of zanax?

Anyway, she winds up getting the information and when she calls her mother to thank her she finds out that there's going to be a party for baby Jace to celebrate his Big Number One. Her mother has the Oh! Decency! to invite Janelle and tells her what time to be there.

Janelle and Keifer show up at the designated time but that's not good enough for the mother from hell. She bitches and complains that Janelle didn't get there early enough. She also bitches and complains about the gift Janelle bought for Jace.. a motorized Spiderman car thing.

I mean, this crazy ass woman went off saying how she wasted her money.. Jace isn't going to remember it.. she should have bought him a silver cup and how SHE didn't get her kids anything for their birthdays or Christmas until they were old enough to crawl over broken glass to kiss her ankles in thanks realize what gifts where.

My GOD woman.. can you cut this girl some slack? I know there's a history.. I know that Janelle will never win daughter of the year.. but there's a reason why your kid is the way she is and I'm willing to bet that you're responsibility falls right out of the grey area.

Thankfully.. THANKFULLY.. Kailyn has a good head on her shoulders. She realizes that there is no relationship anymore with the King of the Douchebags and that she's going to have to do what she needs to do for her and her son. King Douchebag doesn't take the news well.. he tells her she's sending out mixed signals and when she figures out when she's moving, etc. to let him know.

In the meantime, King Douchebag band-aid's things with his poppa and him, Kailyn and the baby are allowed to move back in. The Puppet Masters (King Douchebag's parents) call a "meeting" with them to find out what they're plans are and they didn't look pleased at. all. when Kailyn tells them that she doesn't want a relationship with the King Douchebag because of they don't really get along.

I don't know this for sure, but from the looks on their faces I'm willing to bet that they have the Emergency Custody paper work all filled out and are waiting for the right time to file them to take Baby Isaac.

And this just in .. King Douchebag was arrested over the weekend with his brother for driving under the influence of ".. a controlled and dangerous substance." which, according to reports, was weed.

Guess it was a slow day in cop land .. OR maybe Janelle and Keifer were hiding in the trunk. Did anyone think to look?

Until next time...

Recap: Survivor 22 - Redemption Island

After 22 seasons, you'd think Survivor would get old. Nope.

Not to me, anyway.

And NEVER when Boston Rob.. Russell or BOTH land on the sand.

There's also THE TWIST this year and if you're a fan of Survivor then you know just how this is going to be a game changer.

This season, instead of heading to the Ponderossa after your flame is snuffed you're shipped to Redemption Island where you will stay alone until someone else gets voted off. Both torched contestants will duel with the winner brought back in the game. Game over for the loser. 

After the first episode, I'm not gong to get into a detail of all the contestants.. would take too long and most of them weren't even featured so I'll only hit the highlights and BELIEVE ME this was THE most JAW DROPPING first episode in Survivor history.

So the key players in Episode 1:

Rob will always be a key player regardless of the episode or season.

He's the shiznit when it comes to Survivor and it just boggled my mind that there were people on his tribe that thought they were going to hood-wink him... on THE FIRST DAY!!

Come on.. like SERIOUSLY?? He is arguably the best player in history for a reason and that reason isn't because he doesn't know how to play this game.

There's no doubt that Russell is the ultimate in Survivor villains.. he plays people like a fiddle and does things that are so morally corrupt without conscience that you can't help but give him his due.

He's played the same game twice before .. hook up with the young, pretty girl and cause havoc and chaos to get to the end.

His strategy worked for him twice and I really didn't think his tribe would fall for it a third time. Seems like it did.. he made an alliance with the young Stephanie (I believe that's who it was) .. but I don't think the guys on his tribe are going to follow as blindly. But Russell's tribe won immunity so that's all I'm going to say about him in this post.

Poor Kristina.

What a freakin' idiot. Did she really think that she was going to master mind Rob being booted off without the numbers? With just an immunity idol? With just Francesca and Philip, the guy you don't really trust?

Have you ever watched a season of Survivor that Rob was on? 

Come on girl.. there's a time and a place for bold moves and the first tribal council is NOT the time to try an oust an icon before you know the other personalities your playing with.

Francesca's confidence may have been an asset to her.. as would her experience as an attorney if she hadn't been stupid and saddled up with Kristina. 

I will say that she wasn't down on trying to vote off Boston Rob because she understood that you needed to keep the tribe strong to win challenges. The more challenges you win as a tribe, the less you have to worry about tribal council.

Unfortunately for Francesca, her alliance put her on Rob's radar and when you mess with the bull, you get the horns. As the first person on Redemption Island, she could be back..

Please Phillip .. I'm BEGGING you .. toss the peach/coral banana hammock! Normal people don't want to see you walking around the beach wearing nothing but a banana hammock.. especially when the crotch area sags.

Anyway.. you're either going to like him or think that he's a complete moron but there's one thing you have to at least understand. If you want Phillip on your side, you have to be up front and honest with him. Keep him in the loop.. treat him like he's important enough to confide in and you'll have his loyalty. Try to change up on him and he's going to call you out. Big Time.

Not so sure Phillip realizes what Survivor is all about.. and given the opportunity, he may just learn but he definitely drew a line in the sand.

Ok.. so what happened  last night..

Boston Rob catches Kristina hunting around for the hidden immunity idol clue and he let's her know that he knows what she's doing. That spooks her a little bit but she happens to find it without the clue. Now she thinks she got some power going on so she clues in Francesca. 

They're happy.. almost giddy.. and devise a plan to get rid of Rob because the rest of the tribe is in his shadow and they don't like that.

They talk to Phillip.. Phillip the former secret agent man who's trained in reading people. He wants to know all the nitty gritty details and Kristina isn't willing to share. She got the power.. she's flexing her muscles.. she's running her little show. Against her better judgement, she winds up telling Phillip about the immunity idol just to get him off her back.

As for Rob, he keeps it simple. He tells his team about Kristina's search for the idol. He doesn't know if she has it or not but all they have to do is split their votes for Kristina and Francesca. The idol will be played and the alliance will be gone. 

Francesca doesn't think that voting Rob is the best thing for the tribe so she talks to Kristina about voting for someone weaker (Natalie) and Kristian agrees. 

But.. but.. BUT!! They never talk to Phillip. He still thinks that Rob is being voted out. So when Jeff Probst starts grilling the tribe, Rob tells him that he knows he has a target on his back and you know, what can you do about it.

Francesca, for WHATEVER BLOODY REASON, makes this little comment about Rob not having to worry about going home and Phillip FREAKS! This isn't the plan that he thought he was involved in and he pipes right up and calls out Kristina and Francesca about voting out Rob and THEN busts out about Kristina having the immunity idol. 

Rob, who's not going to let ANY opportunity pass him buy, asks to see the immunity idol. Kristina actually HANDS IT to him and he tells her that if she wanted to redeem herself then she should give him the idol. 

Talk about bold moves in episode one. You could literally see her wheels spinning and I think she wasjusthisclose to handing it over but she didn't. And I think the reason why she didn't play it was to kind of like snub her nose at Rob.

At any rate, Francesca was voted off... she was going to be voted off anyway but I think SHE believes it was because of Phillip so if she makes it passed the Redemption Island duel, we'll see what the dynamic is.

Recap: Teen Mom Season 2 (so far)

Disclaimer: I really shouldn't write posts at 4:30am when I've had too much coffee!

So with nothing to do for the last few hours I caught up on all the TM2 episodes and all I got to say is:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

These people need reality CHECKS not reality SHOWS .. and by "checks" I don't mean the ones you can cash at the bank.

Let's start with the ultimate spoiled barbie CHELSEA:

We already know that her baby's daddy is a ballon know... calling the baby "a mistake" .. telling her she's fat and has stretch marks .. blah blah blah. We also know that for some still-unexplained reason, her father agreed to pay her rent and costs of living to move into a house with her best friend Megan WITH the stipulation that she stays in school.

Um... yea...

Because EVERY 18 year old with a baby is going to focus on her school work when she's living by herself with her best friend and only has nothing else to worry about but school.

Great parenting decision there, dad!

So you know what happens.. Life-size barbie ISN'T doing her school work AND falls back under the charms of the balloon-know daddy. Oh! But he's changed! Oh! He needs a place to stay wants to be in his baby's life! Oh! He still wants to be on an MTV show LOVES her!

What does she do? Moves him in, of course.. and because, you know, she's mature enough to know that she has daddy wrapped around her little finger that she doesn't want him to know because he may just cut off her funding. Yea.. like that's going to happen.

Because what does daddy say when he DOES find out that the balloon knot moved in? Does he go off the deep end? Does he tell her to pack her shit and get her ass home? Does he tell her that the United Bank of Dad is closing and there will be no stimulus money to bail her out?

Nope.

He tells her that Balloon Knot is going to have to pitch in on the bills. Tough stuff you do there, dad!

We all know how this is going to play out .. but at this point, she's made her own bed. Let's just hope she doesn't get sperminated again when she lays in it.

One other thing:

Did anybody else find it weird when Megan called Aubree ".. our baby?" .. hmmm.

Ok.. so moving on to LEAH,  her cutie-patootie baby daddy COREY and their twins.

You know the story.. Leah busted up with her long term boyfriend.. hooked up with Corey and within a month or so was pregnant with twins. She cheated on Corey.. He wanted her back.. She didn't want him back.. He cheated on her.. She wanted him back.. He didn't want her back.. and so on and so on. But faced with the fact that there may be something seriously wrong, medically, with one of their babies they got back together and fast tracked their relationship by moving in together like.. 10 minutes after they decided to rekindle.

It may not sound like it.. but I really like these two. Or maybe I just really like Corey and the fact that he's not shying away from being a father. Or maybe I just like their accents. Who the hell knows at this point.

Leah had been living in a trailer with the girls before getting back together with Corey. A fairly nice trailer. I've seen some that were WAY nicer then my house. This wasn't one of them but it was more nice then not. But when they decide to move in together, Corey suggests they get a new place closer to his job.. which meant 45 minutes further from Leah's family and friends.

And can I ask exactly where do they live? I've been trying to rent a new place for the last five months with no luck and here they go looking at a place and the landlady shoves a lease at them and says SIGN HERE!! SIGN HERE!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SIGN HERE!! Really, is it that easy where they live?

On second thought, I take all that back. The trailer they moved into was worse then a dump. Calling it "white trash" would be a HUGE compliment. No wonder the landlady was all ready with the paper work and no credit checks or reference calling.

It really is a shame but look, you have to do what you have to do.. I just don't understand why they couldn't move onto Corey's father's phat property?

And you know.. now Leah is starting to feel caged and she wants to go to nursing school but isn't going to be able to and sounds like she's starting to resent Corey because she does nothing but take care of the babies 24/7 and hearing her mom say that that's what she's suppose to do because Corey is the one providing for the family .. blah blah blah.. You're a momma, Leah. You have no life.. and will have no life until the girls get into school full time. Just accept, girlfriend... and continue to keep that flat iron away from your left side bangs! You're doing good!

There's nothing new regarding the baby's medical issues. She's too young for an MRI just yet.

All righty then.. moving right along to season problem child JANELLE

Ooohhh.. where to begin.. where to begin..

So we know that Janelle was Wild Child Extraordinaire.. never met a party.. bottle or bud that she didn't like. Or man, apparently because now questions have surfaced regarding who actually is the father of her baby Jace. We know that the alleged father is completely out of the picture but send child support.. we know that Janelle gave up custody to her fucking lunatic of a mother temporarily.. and we know that she hooked up with a new boyfriend Keiffer that she subsequently got arrested with not too long ago.

After watching four or five episodes in a row, let me tell you something.. Janelle is the way Janelle is because of her mother. I'm sorry.. I know people make their own choices in life but honestly, I think I would have cold cocked that weird talking mofo a long time ago.

This kid just can't do anything right .. and so she does everything wrong. Her mother CONSTANTLY berates her and tries to control her and yells at her and puts her down at every opportunity. It was hard to watch and I really did feel for her when she broke down after her mother's boyfriend started doing the same thing to her. In tears she told him that her mother never told her she loves her.. never hugs her.. and even though Keiffer was absolutely right when he said that sometimes Janelle brings it on herself, this is a lost, broken girl.

I hope she gets her shit together.. and once she does, I hope she gets Jace back and tells her << insert the worst dirogatory word you can think of here >> mother where to stick it.

Last but certainly not least :: I saved my favorite for last :: is KAILYN

This girl is stuck between a rock and hard place. Like Janelle, she's broken and lost. Unlike Janelle, this girl is a survivor. I just don't think she knows it yet.

Kailyn has a mother who's more interested in her man-of-the-moment then her daughter and grandson. There also must be some drug/alcohol/domestic abuse thing going on because she's repeatedly said that her mother's place isn't safe for baby Isaac. Her father lives down south and doesn't want nothing to do with her. I'm sure if pressed, he'd want to do a DNA test because Kailyn's mother seems like the type where there will always be a question of DNA ..

At any rate.. she hooks up with the King of the Douchebags :: I refuse to say his name :: a his apparently semi-affluent parents agree to have Kailyn live with them. Everybody in that house seemed to treat her like the ugly step sister. It seemed like she always had to walk on eggshells because they held the power to make her homeless and take her kid.

When the Douchebag King didn't want to deal with her anymore and broke up with her.. she was moved to the basement. Feeling alone.. she welcomed the attention of a male co-worker. A simple minded boy but none the less, someone who I guess made her feel good about herself and gave her the chance to get out of the basement and away from the cold glares of the Puppet Masters.

But they all found out about it and jumped on the poor girl's shit and basically said without saying the words that if she wanted a boyfriend, she can go live with him.. that under THEIR roof, she was their prisoner. Of course, she told the dude she couldn't see him anymore.

Then the Douchbag King wanted her back.. of course he did. You always want what you didn't want but somebody else does.. but then things started going haywire with the Puppet Masters and the Douchbag King got kicked out.

Which means that Kailyn got kicked out.

He took the baby to another state to stay with an aunt and told Kailyn that they would move there. She doesn't want to.. her job and her school are both local. He starts jumping down her throat about being selfish and only wanting what she wants.

Listen DOUCHEBAG: YOU have a job... SHE has a job.. BOTH jobs are local. You NEED jobs to afford an apartment .. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE WHERE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A JOB??

After meeting up at a diner to discuss what they needed to do, Kailyn knows that moving in with the King of Douchebags may be a little easier financially.. but isn't going to be good for the baby because of the way they fight.

Like I said.. this girl is a survivor. It's going to be tough on her but she'll end up on her feet.

Review: Teach - Tony Danzy

Let me start off by saying that I had NO DESIRE WHAT SO EVER to watch this show..

But thanks to the 2am boredom gods and On Demand, I am SOOOO GLAD that I watched the first four episodes.

THIS IS A MUST SEE... seriously, a MUST SEE

I think just about everyone my age knows Tony Danza, primarily from his role in Taxi. He's the kind of actor that you had posters of plastered all over your walls and then 20 or so years later when he pops up somewhere you're like OMG!! HE was HIM??

Anyway, the premise of the show is that pushing 60 (OMG again) he has the desire to teach, something that he originally wanted to do back before he showed up on the small screen. And so he does.. at Northeast High School in Philadelphia.

Let me just interject here that as a Philly girl, it was nice to see the city represented in a kinda good way although I don't necessarily think that NE High is the most accurate representation of an urban high school. I can think of a few others right off the top of my head but at least the school is diverse and has the right mixture of kids that make a reality show entertaining.

But make no mistake, this was hard to watch.

Hard because Danza is soooo sincere in what he wants to do. So much so that it is painful to watch him and his self-video commentaries. He is over his head.. he knows it.. he doesn't know how to reach the service.

Like I said, his motives are sincere. Just the amount of tears he sheds when he's trying to get through to the kids, teachers and principal that he's there for the right reasons and not to just make a television show.

One hardship in particular is a scene where he issues his first quiz on "Of Mice and Men". Three of his students want to head to the school's resource room and he tells them to stay in the room.. give the quiz a shot.. they might surprise themselves with how much they actually do know.

The problem is that these kids were on IEP's (Individualized Education Program) and if they want to go to the resource room then it's basically illegal not to send them.

The administration and the teaching consultant (I think that's what he is) get all in a tizzy and Danza is like all he wanted to do was gives these kids the opportunity to try and maybe if they try and they get a good grade it will snowball into them believing that they can do the work.

In being reproached  by the powers that be, the flat out tells them that he doesn't agree with IEP's.. that they've made the kids believe that they need special help when maybe all they needed was to be pushed to working harder.

A - freakin - MEN!!!

The point is, that this guy is trying, Hard. With the cards stacked against him. And like I said, it's painful to watch sometimes because if anything, you believe from the get go that he really wants to be that teacher that makes an important impression on a student that stays with them a lifetime.

He made a comment on one episode, "... get smart early or get smart late".

Watch this show early ... or watch it late.. just watch it,

NOTE: I purposely did not include commentary on the kids in his class because you really need to watch it for yourself and draw your own opinions.